I am a 31 year old lady and I am in a relationship with someone I love so much, but the situation is making me doubt myself and what I am doing. We met online on Instagram and we have been talking since. We found out that we have similar interests in certain things and that made our connection grow. After talking for some time, he told me he was interested in me and would like us to build something strong. I had feelings for him too but because we have never met, I couldn’t just agree to his request. I told him why and he said he would make an effort to come and see me. We fixed appointments and for three consecutive times, he failed to come. He always gave excuses about how something urgent came up or how his work couldn’t allow him to see me. He kept on making promises. He is a nice guy, he cares a lot, tries to find out every single thing about me and pays attention to details. He has sent me airtime a few times and has also handled my subscription many times.
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I never asked for any of these, he did them on his own. He has asked for my account details but I refused to give him. Because of his numerous failed appointments, I was beginning to get confused and also queried his genuinity. He has a good online presence, he dresses really well and presents himself to the staff of one reputable company. He looks well to do and it wasn’t as if he was faking any of those things. He finally came to see me and commended how beautiful, and comfortable my apartment was. He was very particular about the aesthetics of the apartment that I couldn’t help but take note of. I stay in a 3 bedroom flat and I am comfortable. I run a business of my own so I can afford many things I desire. After his first visit, two months later he said he had issues at work and was looking for a new job. Mind you, we already started dating. After some time, he said he wanted to come to Abuja which is where I reside and look for work. He said he’d be needing a space temporarily for about a week or two for his job hunt.
He went on to ask if I could allow him to stay at my place. I was a bit uncomfortable but since I had extra room, I allowed him to come. This guy came and stayed for 3 weeks. These 3 weeks, I was the one taking care of everything down to toothpaste and food. I fed him throughout his stay and sometimes he would say he ran out of cash and I should give him some money which he’ll return when he withdraw but he never did. He later got a job here in Abuja but it didn’t last. He only worked for 7 months and he was laid off. He had issues with his landlord and when he was asked to leave the house, he came running to me. I gave him a room and up till now he is still here. I love this guy a lot but his joblessness is giving me great concern. He looks for a job but he doesn’t get one. He does some freelance work but it is not enough to pay bills. I pay for almost everything and it is beginning to affect me financially. Sometimes I have to give money for upkeep. He is very appreciative but that is not enough. I want him to leave my house but I don’t know how to present it. I think that he is so relaxed because I do not complain or pressurize him to do anything like paying bills or getting a job. I feel like if he leaves, he will be serious about getting a job.
I love him but I don’t like how things are going. I am also not comfortable with the fact that he is living in my house or that we are living together when we are not married. I don’t like it at all and I am beginning to doubt this relationship. I am not getting younger and from the look of things, this guy is not going to settle down anytime soon. I don’t know what I am doing. I am getting older and I don’t want to lose other suitors. What can I do? I want to settle down as soon as possible but this guy is not ready yet. How do I handle this? I can’t keep hanging around him knowing full well that he may not even be ready to settle down in the next two years. I need suggestions and advice from all of you.