My boyfriend is very insecure and I hate it.

Please hide my identity. I am 26 and I am in a relationship with this guy. We have been dating for just three months but I am certain he loves me so much like we have been dating for ages. I love him too but some things that he does get me concerned and I would like to get some advice about it and know what to do. My boyfriend is a very insecure person, like he reeks of insecurity and it is a huge turn off for me. I understand that he loves me but it just does not make sense to me how he reacts to things. We have quarrels just like every other couple out there but he does not handle it well. I understand that he would want to make peace but the way he goes about it annoys me. If we quarrel about something today, the next morning, he is at my doorstep with a weird and pitiful look on his face begging me to take him back. Some people may think that it is romantic for a guy to do that when he wants to make peace with you but I don’t like it. I don’t even find it attractive in any way. It does not speak well of you and it shows nothing but huge insecurity and low self esteem on your part. 

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He has been in different relationships that didn’t work out but that is not enough reason for you to feel like everyone else is going to leave you. I love him deeply but these things he does makes me feel like it would be very difficult to peacefully coexist with him. If we eventually work things out, is this how he is going to behave in marriage? Sometimes he sulks just because I threatened to end the relationship. It is a very unpleasant sight to behold. The other day, we quarrelled about something. He accused me of seeing someone else. He said I was cheating on him with a guy I’ve known for a very long time. The guy and I grew up in the same neighborhood so we also went to the same school and we are very close. Our families are friends and it’s a very close relationship. Because of this, the guy and I are very close. We speak regularly and many times he asks me for advice and he also helps me out when I am in need of anything. So when my boyfriend saw the way we talked, he became jealous. 

I told him so many times that there was nothing going on between us but he didn’t listen. He feels very insecure and I dislike it a lot. We have been having issues because he wants me to stop talking to the guy entirely. I told him that it’s not possible. There is no way that someone will just walk into my life and ask me to cut ties with someone I have known for almost my entire life. I couldn’t do that. The friendship I share with my friend has gone almost beyond ordinary friendship. He is more like my brother now and everyone that is close to me knows. Our families know of our relationship and they don’t find anything wrong with it. Why should someone I just met three months ago force me to sever ties with someone I have known all my life? We quarrelled about it and I made it clear to him that nothing was going on between us. He then said that it’s either I choose between him or my friend. He wasn’t ready to let me keep my friendship. I told him clearly that I would choose my friend over and over again. My friend has sacrificed so much for me. 

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I know the times that I was in a very difficult situation, he was always there for me and was willing to help. I remember when I was in school and having difficulty paying some of the fees needed, this guy had to borrow so I could settle those fees. He has done a lot for me and the good thing is, he is not expecting me to pay him back. He has never made a move to get intimate with me or anything like that. He knows I am in a relationship and he is okay with it and wishes me well. My boyfriend has seen my chats with him and it’s a very simple chat but he still doesn’t believe me that nothing is going on between us. I am tired of trying to explain to him. He feels everyone is going to leave him but that’s not true. I love him but his insecurities and inability to trust me is making things difficult for me and I am really beginning to consider ending things with him. I don’t know what to do to make him trust me. 

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