My daughter has alopecia and it is messing with her self-esteem and mental health. How do I help her regain her self-confidence?

I am a young mother of three. My marriage is doing perfectly well but I’m not happy.  My second daughter lost all her hair to alopecia when she was very young and it is affecting her self esteem. When she is in school, her fellow kids make fun of her and call her bald. They would touch her hair and laugh mockingly. She is usually quiet and tries as much as possible not to talk. 

There are times she would lock herself up in the room and cry her eyes out. She is not doing well in school either. Her grades are too poor. When I ask her why, she mutters incomprehensible things. She barely speaks to anyone at home, not even myself. I met her teacher a couple of times to complain about this poor development but nothing seems to have changed. I told her to caution the kids to avoid such acts but I doubt it has been productive. 

I had to move my daughter to a new school but it is still the same thing. My daughter is not doing well mentally, academically and psychologically. Her father and I have tried to speak to her counselling number of times yet nothing positive is happening. It is like she is becoming dumb. It is very devastating to watch her go through these things. 

I found out about this disorder one weekend. She was playing with the other kids outside and they were pulling each other’s hair. She came into the house with her hair in her arms. She showed me and laughed happily. It was as if she felt unique. My heart skipped a beat. She pulled further to show me it’s actually her hair. I told her father about it and we both took her to a doctor. The bald areas were scanty initially but progressed after some weeks. Later, it became patchy and there were actually more bald areas than hairs. Because of this, we shaved everything. 

I have tried numerous options to ensure she is better but all my efforts have been futile. I have opted for a small wig that looks natural but she doesn’t like it.  She refuses to wear it and frowns each time I try to force it on. The few times she spoke, she said she feels weird and it itches her too. 

We have shown her all the love possible yet, no improvement. Her dad and I buy things for her regularly. We take her out but she is very shy in the public. We also play cartoons with bald kids to reflect that she is normal but these things do not help. She doesn’t relate with her siblings. She is always on her own, eats very little and clutches her doll like it’s her only friend. My daughter is gradually losing her confidence and I am going crazy. 

I want to be a good mom to her. I want to raise her well and teach her how to walk with her head high. All the options I have tried do not help. She is getting worse by the day and her grades keep dropping. She used to be warm, lovely and all over the place but all that have vanished. What do I do to regain my warm and lovely daughter? Help me please, this is honestly messing with my mind. I love my baby so much and I can’t afford to lose her this way. I will be pleased to try any new option or suggestion. Please help. 


Comments to My daughter has alopecia and it is messing with her self-esteem and mental health. How do I help her regain her self-confidence?

  • So far you’ve done well. I suggest you take her to a therapist. Issues like this take time before there is a visible improvement. Also keep being nice to her. Ensure she doesn’t stay alone and get her siblings to support and treat her well. Generally, the atmosphere in your home should be welcoming and suit her mood. Carry her along in all you do and speak positive words of affirmation to her.

    Cynthia Eze October 14, 2020 9:01 am Reply

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