My daughter is SS. I can’t take care of her or afford her hospital bills anymore. I want to run away.

I have a sick child. She is SS. Till this moment I regret the decision I took to marry my husband. We were both AS and because we loved each other so much, we could not end our relationship even when we found out that our genotypes did not match. We so loved each other that we kept believing there was a solution. 

We decided to find a way around it and read about the possible solutions on the internet. Another thing that strengthened our decision to get married was that we were convinced we could travel out of Nigeria to a country that is developed. We promised not to tell anyone about our decision.

We kept this between us and went ahead to get fake lab results to make it real. We got married and things started shaking. I got pregnant and had my first daughter, she was AS and we felt the universe was being good to us. We still continued making plans to leave Nigeria but we started having challenges. 

My husband was a rich rich man, he is an engineer and was getting numerous contracts. However, things started shaking and he couldn’t get contracts again. I later got pregnant for my second child and after delivery she was SS. That was where my predicament began. Raising her is a big problem. I stopped working and my husband’s job was gradually failing. 

We could not afford to travel out as planned. My daughter has so many crisis currently and it is killing me slowly. Our parents found out and were very disappointed. I regret the decisions I made. Taking care of my daughter breaks my heart. I cannot withstand all she is passing through and each time I look at her, I regret my decision to marry my husband. I regret subjecting my child to this .

My husband and I are no more like couples. It is almost as if there is no love left between us. Everything has failed and the situation of our daughter worsens this. I can’t even take care of my first child. Things have gotten so worse that I took her to my parents so they can take care of her. My husband has changed. He beats me mercilessly and blames me for this predicament. 

He now drinks so much and sometimes, he will leave the house and not return for about 3 or 4 days. Feeding is a difficult problem as I write. I hate my world. I do not know how long I can bear this suffering. I am tired and my world has crashed. I want to leave this child and run away. Very far from my family and husband. I can’t withstand the situation anymore. I regret my decisions and I may never forgive myself or find complete solace. 

I want to run away so I can clear my head from all that has been happening. This marriage has been total agony. I need space. I can’t even feed anymore. I am very lean and my daughter cannot be described. I hate to look at her knowing that my stupidity led to her condition. She doesn’t go to school or do anything her agemates do. 

I need a solution. I want to run away. I have been depressed many times and I have thought about taking my life. I still want to take my life because what I am passing through is beyond me. We have spent all we have on drugs and treatment for our daughter. I am tired of living like this.