My Family Wants Me To Lower My Standards In Order To Find A Husband. Just “Settle” For Anyman They said.

Bayo Ajibola

I recall it was as soon as we turned 25 that things took a new turn for me. My parents started it and afterwards,well, my twin sister kinda of also started it too…and a couple of years later,everyone got involved in my life.

I’m a twin,my sister and I are not exactly the same in looks as well as in character even though we are twins. Growing up as a twin was wonderful most times apart from the constant comparing of one twin to another. My twin was a lot more likeable. More calm and very easily most peoples’ favourite.

However the main problem was right after we both graduated at age 24 and Taiwo got engaged to her secondary school boyfriend. Everybody was over the moon for her. And they kept asking me,when will I be getting engaged. In all honesty,I didn’t even have a boyfriend. Not in the last 4 years at least.

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They got married at 25. Everybody started praying so that I can find my own man. They also tried hooking me up with prospective husbands. They meant well however, you see the problem is..I really have not done very well in the area of relationship. I have only had one serious boyfriend in my adult life. The others didn’t make it past one month.

Everyone said something is wrong with me. I am now 36, a fantastic job, my own car and my house, got everything but no husband…no boyfriend even. They told me I was too high class…too choosy. What they mean is: I should stop looking for a man that would treat me right and just concentrate on becoming a married woman.

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My mom have been praying and fasting for me given that she got married at age 21. Now,I am nearly twice the age she got married,yet no husband in sight. I have many times asked myself,why have I not found someone I love enough to want to marry?

Well, sadly,I can only attribute this ‘predicament’ to one thing: I have simply refused to settle fro anyone that comes my way!,…No. I mean,I have refused to marry any tom,dick or harry. I want someone who I like,someone who will complete me,someone who is compatible,someone with a high sense of humor and intelligence.

I simply believe marriage is a big deal so I don’t want to just move in with somebody I do not feel 100% is the one for me…. I have been told by numerous people including my mum that my expectations are way too high. Thet told me I will never find the person that will fit all that I want,that I should take what I have been getting and make the very best of it.

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Now,let me be completely honest with you…being single at age 36 can be lonely particularly when i am trying to avoid my very judgmental family. Therefore,I quite often feel the pressure to just settle and the way things are going,I am feeling the urge to actually stop wishing to find a man of my dreams and just settle..

Here is my question : is settling for just anyone such a bad thing? With the way I feel about so many things I may not like in a guy,how do I make a successful marriage if I have to go into the marriage with the knowledge that there are actually things about the relationship that I do not like but I just have to settle?

I need your advise please. I seriously would like to be married before the end of this year. What is wrong with me? My grandma claims that its because I am an Ogbanje (spirit child). I find that actualy very funny. How can i be an “Ogbanje” and my twin sister is not? Weare twins remember? My mother thinks I am a lesbian. That too is equaly hilarious. I have never fancy a woman in that way before,never! I do not blame them…I am feeling so tired of everything…what should I do? Stop fussing or just marry the next man that comes my way?

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I’m sure there are lots of single ladies like me out there…what should one do in this situation? Note,I have been told to be more likable too, so I changed my entire wardrobe and looks. However, there is always one or two things that spoils any relationship I find myself in.

I pride myself as attractive,intelligent,hardworking,God fearing and very focused lady. Why can’t I find a man with the same qualities that I seek? What am I getting so wrong?

Please advise me


Bayo Ajibola

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