I am 26 and engaged to be married by the middle of this year. I was raised by a mom and I have never met my dad. My mom on the other hand never married for personal reasons. Over the years, I grew up feeling indifferent about my dad. I always felt bad that I was raised without a father figure by my side and the few times I asked my mom about my dad, her mood always changed and if I persuaded her to tell me about him, tears usually well up in her eyes. There were however times when she was able to tell me about him. She had very few to say and it all ended up that he didn’t want me.
I’ve asked my mother the situation surrounding my birth, she said they were dating before she got pregnant and my father denied the pregnancy after she refused to get rid of it. I have asked if she reached out to him after I was born and the answer was the same, he didn’t want me. So my mom raised me alone and for some other reasons, decided not to marry. Because of this, I grew up not talking about my dad. I hated him for many reasons, for not wanting me, for abandoning me, for leaving my mom alone to raise me. To me he didn’t exist and yes, he was alive and married with kids according to my mom. I did not bother to look for him, I was okay with the woman who gave her life to raise me.
I recently got engaged to someone who cares so much about me. He has met my mom and my mom likes him. He also cares for my mom a lot. We are making marriage plans and the talk of my father came up. My boyfriend knows my story and has advised me severally to look for my father and make peace with him but I refused. Now due to the fact that I need a father figure, I decided to look for him and perhaps, just inform him of my marriage. I didn’t intend to have a cordial relationship. My mom readily gave me his details and my fiance and I set out to find him.
We went to his house and we were told he had moved out with his family. We were able to get his new home address and his working phone number. I went around his house and met his wife and kids. We found out what he was doing and my fiance called as a client and scheduled a meeting. We went and I told him who I was. He was shocked and told me never to call him again as he was married with a new family. I was heartbroken. Thank God for my boyfriend who was with me. I couldn’t understand why he hated me so much and would abandon me. Even after several years, he never accepted me as his child. I tasted huge rejection for the second time from my father.
My fiance convinced me he was probably shocked. After a month I called him about to see him and he told me never to call him again. I tried a few more times and I gave up. I feel so terrible that my father doesn’t want to associate with me. At least I wanted to feel the love of a father for once. Sincerely, I know I hated him but seeing him for the first time, I could feel his presence and I didn’t want to leave. I wanted him to at least accept me even if he doesn’t want to let his wife and other kids know. I just wanted him to accept me. Thinking about it now, I really want my father to accept and love me like his child. I want it to happen but I don’t know what or how to do it. I want to know the best approach to use so he can come around. Please help me.