I met my fiance for over a year now. He was introduced to me by a close friend and things have been going smoothly between us since then. However, I have been seeing some characters that I am not very comfortable with and as the day goes by, they get me more and more uncomfortable. They are actually much but amongst all, one stands out and worries me the most. For all the time I have spent with my fiance, I have observed that he does not see the need to help anyone. He feels he owes nobody and I don’t agree with him.
Since I met him, he barely helps his family members not to talk of his friends. When his friends ask him for money, he comes up with some silly story and ends up not helping them or giving them anything. My fiance is well to do so money is not the problem. He is very rich but he does not help anyone. Sometimes he says he owes nobody that everyone should fend for himself. I have tried to correct this wrong notion he has in his head but it is not working.
He rarely send money to his family, including his mother. Oftentimes I’ll ask him and he will dismiss it or cover it up with something else. His parents are in another town, he is doing well but he doesn’t care for them. Most times it is as if I am the one reminding him to send money to his mother or father and even when he does, he does it reluctantly simply because I ask. If I don’t insist or watch him do it, he won’t send the money. He has three younger siblings in school but he rarely talk with them. He does not relate with them like an older brother and a more experienced person. He doesn’t call them and even when they do, he acts cold towards them. He always feels like they want to ask him for money.
When they ask him for money, he doesn’t give them. I still have to insist and pressurize him before he sends them money and often, the money he sends is small. Who doesn’t know how difficult being a student is. His siblings do not work so they mostly depend on their parents for money and his parents are not all that comfortable financially so they usually call him. Yet, he will act closed off always. I have to beg him but how long will I continue to beg him to do the basic things.
Sometimes I feel his is stingy but he spends on me. He bought me the current iPhone I am using now and it’s even the latest brand. He also gets me gifts randomly including clothes and shoes. He sends me money frequently even when I don’t ask so it worries me that he doesn’t take care of his family. I don’t know if I am over thinking things but I honestly feel it is wrong. At least, family first. I usually feel like the only reason why he is treating me differently is because I am just his girlfriend and he wants us to get married but I am scared, what if he changes after marriage? He has proposed to me and I have agreed to marry him but I am still scared.
His mother called him two days ago to beg for house rent but he said he didn’t have money. I have been pleading with him to send money to her because I know he has the money but he has still not done that. I always have to beg him before he sends money to anyone because left for him, he believes everyone should work hard and fend for themselves. This is crazy and I don’t like it. I don’t know what to do. Do you think this is a huge red flag or it is something I can deal with? I don’t want to continue begging him when we get married, it is draining. What is the best thing for me to do? I don’t want to marry an uncaring man please.