My fiancée didn’t tell me she has a son. I just found out from an old friend and I feel like calling off the engagement.

Kindly keep me anonymous. I am 29 and gainfully employed. I am a graduate and also own a business that gives me enough money to take care of myself and my family and still go on vacations when I deem fit. I met a girl sometime in 2018 at a friend’s wedding and I genuinely love her. She is tall, light-skinned, and working. 

We exchanged contacts and got talking. I loved how brilliant she sounded. She often has in-depth knowledge of quite many things. I also liked the fact that she has goals and a realistic means of achieving them. We often spoke about career advancement, business, and other personal developmental discussions. 

All these while, we were just friends. I liked her but didn’t want to rush things. I just wanted to be a genuine friend to her and help her achieve her goals when I can. A few times, we hang out together at some restaurant we picked at intervals. Sometimes she offers to pay the bills and when I refuse, she asks to split bills. 

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She has supported me in various ways. She gives me advice on ways I can improve my business and prevent losses. On my birthday she threw a surprise party for me. She invited my friends over, made nice meals and got some really expensive presents for me. 

I loved her dearly and after 6 months of meeting her, I asked her out. I was skeptical at first because I didn’t want her to turn me down nor lose my friendship with her. I invited her over to my place one weekend, made her favorite meal, and kept her favorite drink handy. After the meal, I made my intentions known to her. I made her understand she wasn’t under any compulsion to accept my proposal and she could take her time to think about it. However, she told me she didn’t need to think about it having known me for a while. She accepted my proposal and I was so delighted. 

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We spoke at length about what each of us wanted. Our do’s and don’ts, likes, and other similar things. I made her understand I wanted a serious relationship that would lead to a blissful union. I also told her how much I abhor lies. I opened up about my past, my previous relationships, family, and business struggles. I willingly let her into my world. I loved her dearly and was eager to see us grow together. 

When I inquired if she had anything I should know, she told me about her previous relationships and also showed me a picture of one of the guys she dated. She explained why they broke up and when I asked if they were still in touch,  she replied in the negative. I accepted everything she told me wholeheartedly. I was more concerned about who she was at the moment and the things she would do in the future – with me. 

Everything was moving smoothly. She would often come to my place to cook for me. Sometimes she picked groceries for me at the market. From time to time, she would buy clothes for myself. On my part, I ensured she was doing well.  Sometimes I drop by at her workplace to pick her up for lunch. I sent her money regularly, bought her bags and clothes, and also paid her house rent. Most times she doesn’t ask for these things so I did them on my own and she was very appreciative. She was everything I wanted and more. We argue sometimes but we always resolve them quickly and fall back on track. 

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Last month, I knew it was time for me to take an extra step. I booked her favorite spot, informed a few friends of ours, and invited her for dinner. There, I asked her to marry me. She was excited and accepted. I felt very fulfilled. I told my family about her. They were all eager to see her. I took her to my place, my mom, dad, and siblings loved her. She was homely and got a present for each of them. I asked to see her family and she informed them. We went and her people were very receptive. On our way home I met an old friend of mine who happens to know her quite well. We exchanged contacts and kept in touch. 

I informed him of my intentions to marry her. He made it known that she was nice and after much hesitation, told me she had a son. I was dumbstruck. I didn’t believe him and went further to investigate. It was true. I confronted her and she apologized. She said she didn’t know how I’d take it so she decided not to tell me.

Currently, I feel heartbroken and hate the fact she didn’t trust me enough to tell me about her past. I am contemplating calling off the engagement. I love her so much but I don’t know other things she might be hiding from me. I fear I might not completely trust her again even if I decide to go further. I don’t know how my family will feel if they get to know. Please advise me.


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