My First Time Experience Ruined Me & Marriage.

Bayo Ajibola

I am currently in a major problem and I don’t know how I’m going to wake up from it.

I met Soji a couple of years ago. He was the sweetest man i have ever met in my life. We first met in church and liked one another as friends for several months before we started seeing each other. He was very easy to talk to. He was kind and a very good christian. After some time,we told our pastor that we wished to get married and we got engaged after that.

Prior to metting Soji, I was going out with someone while I was in Bauchi,that was immediately after my service year. The relationship broke up because the guy was always pestering me for sex until finally I couldn’t hold back the pressure therefore I gave in mainly because I didn’t want to loose him. However that encounter left a scar on my me forever. It was an unpleasant experience for me. It was my very first time at age 27 I was in a lot pain and I bled for nearly two days. I left the guy and I promised not to have sex again until I get married.

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Soji accepted the no sex before marriage and that was it. We got married a year and half after, that was when I knew I had a much bigger problem. My first experience with sex made me so terrified of it that I couldn’t have sex properly with my hubby,Soji. Right from our wedding night,I was very afraid and in pains and I cried all through. It really made me detest sex. Soji started to complain and he was really frustrated. He loved me a great deal however each time it was time for sex it was like hell for both of us.

I just couldn’t get myself to enjoy it. I tried and tried. I read through loads of books and all but I was still very scared. It dawned on me that I became traumatized by my first experience and therefore,I was scared of the idea of sex. My hubby didn’t understand me and we quarreled about this constantly. He accused me of being unfair and said I tricked him to marry me. I tried to explain to him my anxieties but he just told me to get over it. That damaged me more and pushed me away from him even more.

I knew our marriage required help however I didn’t know who to consult with. I had informed my pastor, he prayed for me but it seems the prayers weren’t effective. My hubby at some point stopped asking me for sex and I became very depressed and miserable. I tried to put my fears behind me and approach my hubby for sex still the moment he touched me,I became stiff and I start crying. I felt so hopeless.

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I eventually confided in a friend who told me I need to see a psychologist. She introduced me to a psychologist and for the first time,I got real help that I needed. With her sessions,I started trying to get over my fears. I compelled my hubby to come for the sessions with me and together we begin to heal. I’ve got a condition called Frigidity and it was hard but slowly,I began to relax and have sex with my husband.

But,problems struck again. A young lady in my church have been sleeping with my hubby throughout the times we were having troubles. I just learned that she is pregnant for my husband. My hubby confesses to cheating because he was frustrated at the time. Right now,I am at a lost and perplexed and I don’t know what i am going to do.

I feel betrayed and pained and I genuinely feel my marriage is finished. My hubby blames me for this…My marriage is only two years old and I already have a big case of infidelity and a child from another lady. I don’t see how we will make it after this…I am so lost,sad and angry and pained…I don’t know what to do. I am angry with my hubby for being unfaithful and having a child, I also blame myself for pushing him to cheat and I blame my ex for causing me this problem and I hate that I feel so helpless.

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One thing is sure,I cannot stand the reality that my hubby has another child from another woman……I can never get over it….the fact that another woman will have my husband’s first child is simply too much for me to bear…what do I do…I am almost certain I will walk away from this marriage…but I don’t even have the strength to do that…please help me make any sense of this…

Bayo Ajibola

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