Please hide my identity. I got engaged last month and we have been planning our wedding since then. Although we don’t have a fixed date yet, preparation is going on in Ernest and we are trying to put some things in place. We have also gone to meet each other’s family. My family expressed their concerns because my husband to-be is not from our tribe. But I tried so much to convince them and they accepted and gave their consent.
What worries me currently is that some of my friends think that I should not marry my fiance because of his origin. According to them, my fiance’s hometown is known for certain bad things. They said that they do not take care of their wives properly and most times, their families do not like their wives. They also said that they are known for witchcraft and other fetish things. I have heard this numerous times and even when I met this my husband newly, I told him about the things I heard concerning his place and we laughed about it.
He later said it was just stereotypes and misconceptions about them. He said there was nothing like witchcraft and went further to tell me that it wasn’t possible for the whole community to be witches. He said that different communities have one or two things people know them for and that was probably because of what they did in the olden days but currently, most people have embraced Christianity and western education also helped to stop those false claims. I understood what he said and worried less.
However, now that we are planning to get married, a lot of people are beginning to say the same thing and it’s making me worried and confused. About 5 of my friends have said the same thing and these are very close friends of mine. I mean we are so close and we’ve known each other for almost 10 years so it’s not as if they are just trying to scare me or something. They have always been good friends and helped me in the past so they can’t be lying to me.
The most scary part of it is that out of these my five friends, three of them have been married to guys from this part of Nigeria and today, they are no longer with their husbands. It worries me a lot because even though I claim to love my fiance and have known him for some years, it worries. The fact that people tend to change after marriage worsens things. For these my friends that got married and separated with their husbands, I knew when they were dating and how much they all loved themselves. I mean you can barely not notice the love that exists among them if you are with them.
I was their maid of honour and I was very close to them even after they got married but after marriage, about a year later, things changed. They started having problems and the man even started beating my friend. The other one was a case of cheating. The man was cheating on my friend and they separated. Like I said, I witnessed these things and I know how things changed so it’s giving me headache. I have known my fiance for almost a year and he has never given me a reason to doubt him but as it stands now, I do not know where to stand.
Marriage is a lifetime thing and I wouldn’t want to make any mistakes. Even though age is no longer on my side, I don’t want to regret my decisions later on in life. I need help. I am completely confused at the moment. My family is just giving me their consent because I pleaded with them and also because I am in my late thirties. My close friends too are not in support. It’s as if everyone close to me has concerns over this man. I need help. Should I cancel this wedding or trust God that my fiance won’t change? Help me.