My husband abuses me physically and emotionally

Please keep me anonymous. I am married to a man who suddenly changed and started abusing me. I can say he abused me in every form. Physically, emotionally, every form whatsoever. I am a 29 year old mother of three lovely children. My husband is 37 and after our wedding, 2 years later he started drinking so much that he would come home late and many times he would beat me up. There was a day he beat me so much that my eye was swollen for over 4 days. He finally came to me and apologized. He pleaded and promised never to do it again. That is his signature. He will always abuse me and come begging and promise never to repeat such an act again but he always dies. 

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In our third year of marriage, this man beat me so badly that I lost a child. I was pregnant and even with the pregnancy, this man didn’t have the control or patience to overlook whatever it was I did. He beat me mercilessly even while knowing that I was pregnant. I was crying and screaming but he didn’t even stop. I fell on the floor and he continued beating me. I later fainted and the next time I found myself was at the hospital. I later found out that I lost my child. My neighbor was the one who told me weeks after I got back that her husband was hearing me shouting and screaming and when he finally ran to our apartment, I had fainted and my husband was still hitting me. 

I have seen a lot of things in this marriage. I can’t even begin to explain all that I go through in the name of being married to a man like this. I am very scared for my life. Not only is this man abusive, he also manipulates me so much that it feels like I am insane. This man manipulated me to the point that I quit my job. Yes, I had a stressful and demanding job but I was still able to combine it with raising the kids. He kept on saying I was prioritizing my job instead of my children and only selfish women would do that. This man has done so much to me and even after I quit my job, he wasn’t providing enough money. 

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He will always hold a grudge when I ask him for money. The reason I am typing this is because I can’t take it anymore. He beat me terribly last week even amidst the celebrations. He didn’t even care. It was so bad that I thought I was going to die. That was when I concluded that I was going to leave. This man beat me terribly in front of my children. He doesn’t care if they are watching. It is only a miracle that I am alive and writing this. I have decided to leave but I don’t know where to go. Another thing is that I don’t have a job so I don’t have any money to sustain myself if I leave. I am already searching for jobs but I don’t want to wait too long because he may beat me to death. What do I do please?  

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