My husband assumed I was into rough sex because of my tribe and now I feel unsure about us.

Bayo Ajibola

My husband and I was going to have sex with each other after our marriage – yes i kept my virginity till wedding night — (it was supposed to be my first time but not his) Things started off normal, kissing. Then he started pushing me on the bed and holding me down, no foreplay or anything. I was obviously shocked and scared because I didn’t expect that.

I was screaming stop and no and he stopped. He looked confused and asked what was wrong. I told him like wtf, I thought we were gonna go slow. He was still giving me a confused looks and at that point, I was annoyed. I reminded him I was a virgin so I would prefer to take things slow. He said he knows that but he thought I’d like it rough.

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He also told me he’s never been with an ibo girl before and he thought ibo girls like rough sex. I was mad and I said no, I’m not ok with rough sex and I was mad he used a stereotype on me. I didn’t want to have sex anymore and I asked if he could just leave me alone so he left the house house.

I’m just so confused like how is this even real. I’ve never even heard of that as a stereotype. I don’t know if it’s a porn thing or not (I don’t watch porn, just not into it) but even if that’s a thing, I’m mad he just assumed things about me. He knows I’m a virgin but he still was rough with me. I’m unsure now because i don’t know what else stereotypes he has about me because I’m an ibo girl.

I moved out of the house ,am at my sisters now, he’s blowing up my phone asking me if we can talk about things and saying sorry. I feel bad for not responding but I keep thinking what else he thinks about me. I feel empty inside because he turned into another person when he got rough. He went from sweet to cold and scary. I think once I’m calm, I will talk to him.

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So later, we talked for a while. I think I’m done with him. I listen to my sister and I decided to hear him out, I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he didn’t mean to hurt me. He told me he thought ibo girls like it rough because his friends girlfriend like that (she’s ibo) and the porn he watches. I tried explaining how that’s racist to think that and consent. He said he was sorry for rushing into such conclusion.

I tried explaining that’s not an excuse to act out his fetishes on me especially without asking. He got mad at me and I was too. We argued on and on about it. I think i am going to breakup with him. I cant imagine myself coping with a man that has a mindset like this.

This is just what is on the surface, i triy to think more about this in my quet time. Am thinking who evr has this kind of mindset, what else are they capable of. This is not looking good at all.

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My only regret is that i did not see this coming. I rushed into this marriage thinking i found a man i can give my virginity to. I was ready for it but promised myself it will be after marriage and he waitred. I told him i can only loose my virginity to someone i love. And i loved him.

I am really upset right now, I thought he loved me but I guess not. All I wanted was to share a special moment with him and he ruined it. I told my friend and she said to give him another chance but I disagree.

What he did was too weird and creepy for me to forgive him. I really need your advice guys. What do you think i should do ?

Bayo Ajibola

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