I need advice on what to do because this is eating me up and it is beginning to affect my self esteem so much. I am a mother of three and my husband and I have been married for ten years now. Our first child is nine and the last one is barely two. Our marriage has been a great one and I have been grateful for a peaceful union. However, recently, something started happening and even though I have tried to handle it myself, it hasn’t yielded much fruit hence my reason for bringing it to this place. I have a job but my salary is not much. I only support my husband and have some to buy for my personal needs like inner wear and other ordinary things.
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I don’t think that there is anyone that doesn’t like looking good. However the major constraint is usually the money for it. Looking good is expensive and with the current situation of Nigeria especially with the free fall of Naira, things are so expensive so I only buy essential things. My husband is a civil servant and even though his salary can take care of our family, they owe them sometimes. Recently, he started complaining about what I wear. He said I am always dressing shabbily and I don’t take good care of myself like other women of my age. I was sad but I overlooked it the first day he said it but I tried to improve.
Even though I didn’t have enough money, I went to the market two days later to get my hair done. I also bought some second hand clothes that I can wear at home since those I already had were already worn-out. I couldn’t buy outing clothes because they were expensive and I didn’t have enough money. He commended me when he saw the clothes I was wearing at that time. I even bought bum shorts that I wear indoors and he commended me. However, after some time he began complaining again about clothes I wear outside. He said I should dress well because of his friends and he doesn’t want people to mock him because of the way I dress. I was very angry.
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I told him how expensive clothes were and demanded money to buy them. He said he didn’t have any and I should use my money since I was working. I spend almost ¾ of my salary on foodstuffs because what he gives me is not always enough. I told him I didn’t have money to buy and that he should deal with the way I dressed. We didn’t speak well that week and later, he began to make subtle derogatory remarks about me. He said he knows how married women and other ladies in his office dress to work with good hair, shoes and bags. These things are great but I can’t afford them and he has failed to understand that. I am tired of the words he says to me. Is there a way out since he cannot give me money. I don’t have the means to change my wardrobe and look good for him.