My husband doesn’t seek my opinion before doing things.

Please hide my identity. I want to talk to you about something that has been bothering me for a long time now. I am married to a man that claims to love me so much and I have three children for him. I care about him so much and I do anything humanly possible to see that our family is in peace and progressing just like an ideal family. My husband is a good man. He cares about me and the children but some things he does do not go down well with me. He spends money on us but I don’t like the fact that he doesn’t share ideas with me before he goes ahead to do something. As a family and as a wife, he is supposed to talk to me about certain things before he goes on to do it. 

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For instance very important decisions that will affect the family, it is only right that he talks to me about these things before he goes on to do them. At least I should be aware of these things and also make my own input when necessary. For example, last year, he bought land without informing me. When we were courting, we agreed that we were going to share this game with ourselves before we do things but since we got married, he has not been keeping to this promise. He does things just the way it pleases him and he doesn’t care about how I feel or react. I have spoken to him about it so many times and it even caused some quarrels between us before. 

That land he bought was not in a good site and he even bought it at a very exorbitant price. There was a time when he sacked our gatekeeper. He didn’t tell me before or even after sacking him. I came home from work one day and kept beeping my horn at the gate for the man to open the gate for me but nothing happened. I was there for over 5 minutes and the gate wasn’t opened. I came down and knocked for long before my househelp came to open the gate. That was when I found out that the gate keeper was sacked. No explanation, no prior information. Absolutely nothing. 

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This Christmas, he shared bags of rice and groundnut oil to people in the village and he didn’t tell me. People have been calling me to thank me but I was unaware of why they were thanking me. It was when we finally got to the village that I found out what happened. I was very angry and he didn’t even care. He just said I should be happy that he is helping the less privileged and whether or not he told me about it, that what matters is that he helps people. I am very angry. I am not against him helping people, I just want him to carry me along. Is that too much to ask? I don’t know what else to do about it. I am tired of always quarreling with him because he doesn’t care.  

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