My husband and i have been together for 27 years, our 23rd wedding anniversary was this past Saturday. I have been frustrated with him for most of the past 27 years because he shows no desire towards me. He refuses to communicate with me saying that he doesn’t know how to. In all this time he has not put much effort into trying to improve his communication skills.
I know that he loves me but he refuses to do anything to actually show me that…in a romantic way. We have been to counseling at least 5 times. Basically I get frustrated with always wanting more and I want to leave and move on. Every time he begs for one more chance to get it right. At those times he says he treasures me but still his actions never match his words.
We had a huge blow up prior to Valentine’s Day and I am just done. Of course again he begged for another chance and I told him this is the absolute last chance.
Just so you understand, all I want is to feel desired and wanted. I don’t think this really is that hard. I look damn good, I have a great job, nice income, and I’m fun to be around. In my mind it shouldn’t take “work” to be attracted to me. I have men approach me often …just not my husband.
We have been communicating a lot more since V-day. We haven’t had sex since December (his choice) and we had been talking about his hang ups and my expectations. We planned to go out on a date for our anniversary, dinner and then drinks at our favourite bar we went to in our first date. In my mind this was going to be a Date (read: Romantic!). He and I are truly best friends. We go out together at least 1-2 nights a week. We have a great time hanging out. As Pals. I was looking forward to an actual date for once.
Well, I’m sure you can guess …the date bombed. He was not interested in me whatsoever and ended up getting absolutely shit face drunk. He spent most of the evening talking with everyone but me. No hand holding or canoodling. Hell! I haven’t been kissed in over 20 years.
So I’m done. I told him that and now he is mad because he says he was working on his issues and I’m not being fair. He thinks he deserves more chances. I’m the bad guy in his eyes. What?!?!?? Dear Naijaparents, what would you advice me to do?