I am married with 4 great kids. My family is peaceful but I am unhappy. I am married to a medical doctor who barely has time for me and my children. All he speaks about is work, work, work. He provides for the kids and me, gives me monthly allowance and any other thing that requires money. These things are okay, I am comfortable but those are not enough for me. They don’t make me happy. I do not spend an uninterrupted 2hours with my husband everyday. He is always rushing off to work and barely comes back early. The few days it seemed like we were going to have a great conversation, someone will call to inform him that there is an emergency and his presence is highly needed. He will suddenly dress up and leave without thinking twice.
On the days he is not on call, we don’t even speak for a long time. He is always reading and sometimes tries to spend time with him. My kids are barely familiar with him because he leaves very early in the morning, most times without eating breakfast and comes home late when the kids are asleep. They know him but there is no connection between them. I tried to talk him into taking them to school, at least they will get to see him everyday and feel loved. I suggested he waits for me to dress them up so he can drop them off on his way to work. He agreed but didn’t do it. He says he can’t stay because his schedule does not allow him to. I feel like I am married to a nerd.
There was a time my children confronted me. They asked me about their father and asked why he is not always around to play with them. I explained to them that their dad is busy with work, trying to provide for us and also save people. I told them that their dad pays their school fees, buys food, their clothes, shoes and their drinks. To convince them, I also told them that their dad is a superhero who saves sick people that may die if unattended to. I usually put medical movies for them so that they can see doctors. I use the doctors to explain to them that their dad is a life saver and means well for all of us. They really feel his absence and I feel the same way as well.
I told him about my conversation with them and he only asked me to spend more time with them. He always promises to improve but nothing changes. During my son’s 4th birthday, I organized a small party for him. I invited our family friends and my son’s class kids. His dad promised to take the day off work to spend time with his son but as always, he said something came up. Half way through the party, he received a call and rushed off. I felt terrible that day. My son did not notice but I did. I felt sad that he could not share his son’s joy. He was not in any of the pictures that were taken that day.
I have spoken to him several times about this, he promises to do better and spend more time with us but nothing happens. I make most of the decisions in the family because I don’t have the opportunity to thoroughly discuss things with him. When I bring up something, he always asks me to handle it myself. He doesn’t have time for me at all. My kids love going out during the weekend to amusement parks. I have pleaded with him to make out time to join us on one of our visits but he does not join us. I understand it is the nature of his job but I feel he doesn’t just want to make out time for us. If you truly care about something or someone, certainly, you will make time to handle it or be with that person.
He is not the only doctor in the hospital so why does he act like he is the only one saddled with all the responsibilities. I know other doctors who spend time with their wife’s and they are happy. My friend’s husband is a medical doctor and he spends time with his family. They even go on dates and sometimes vacations. My own husband does not even care about dates or vacations, he thinks he just needs to provide money for the family and everything is set. I can’t even remember the last time I went or a date with him. I have suggested we go to a cinema to see movies or go to our favorite spot to have a good time but nothing comes out of it. Help me. What do I do? I hate this feeling. If he doesn’t improve, I may have to leave the marriage.