Please hide my identity. I am a distressed mom and wife. I no longer understand this marriage. No matter how much I try 5o make meaning out of this union, it baffles me that my husband is comfortably neglecting his duties as a father and husband. We are just a normal family struggling daily to make ends meet. I work frequently to make extra money and help my husband who doesn’t see things like a normal human being. I am a business woman and my husband is a civil servant.
Before we got married, we agreed to set aside some percentage of our income for some projects we want to undertake as a family for example buying lands, making investments and other things. We actually did it for the first year we got married even as we were expecting a child together but subsequently, it changed. I realized that my husband was sending a large chunk of his earnings to his mom. The first month, I overlooked it. I felt it was because she probably had something important she needed money for, it affected how much he sent to our joint account.
This happened again for the subsequent four months and when I couldn’t pretend anymore, I asked him why he reduced the amount he was sending to our joint account. He told me he increased how much he sent to his mom. Now, I don’t have a problem with increasing how much you send to your mom or siblings but it shouldn’t be at the detriment of I and your child. He said he loves his mom and she sacrificed a lot for him and his siblings and he wants to pay her back. Pay her back with a whopping 40% of your salary? How are we meant to feed?
I have been confronting him about this but he has refused to change. I have stopped sending money to our joint account, I now save privately. He tried to pick a fight with me but I ignored him. I can’t keep up with such an attitude. Is he the only one the mom sacrifed for? I have a mother too and if I begin to pay her back for her sacrifices, I will have to send her my entire profit and it still won’t be enough. I don’t know what to do. I can’t talk to his siblings because they will definitely see me somehow since it’s their mom. I have tried talking sense into him but all to no avail. How else do you think I should make him come back to his senses?