I’ve been married for six years now and I have never been happy from the first day. I was a chaste and faithful lady and a virgin till my wedding night. I had prayed to God to give me a husband that is worthy of my virginity because it was very hard saving myself for marriage.
I met my husband, Harry in the church so he’s supposed to be a good Christian, in fact, he proved devoted to the church – he was a church worker, a chorister for that matter. Our wedding was so beautiful and I was very happy.
However, the problem started right on the night of our wedding. My husband came to me for s*x and as a novice, it was very painful for me. I was in so much pain and my husband did not help matters at all. He was very aggressive and forced himself on me hard. In addition, he kept hitting me with his belt and tried to choke me. He did this twice that night. I cried and cried and bled so much.
Right from that day, I developed a hatred for Harry for forcing himself on me. Even when I talked to him about it, all he kept saying to me was it was his right, and that I should be happy he touches my body.
From that day till now, every time my husband wants sex from me, he hardly does any foreplay, sometimes he would tie me up to the edge of the bed and whip me as he forcefully penetrates me. All the while telling me, this is my duty as a wife.
Even after bearing two kids, sex is something I hate so much, it is not something I see as love but as abuse.
I’m always terrified every time he comes home from work and I am not happy in my marriage. I feel sad that my husband doesn’t care about my feelings. I have spoken to elders in my church but they all don’t see it as something serious. All they say is that I should be praying and that a virtuous wife should give her husband sex anytime he wants it.
Initially, I used to believe that this is normal and that’s what all women face during sex until I read some articles online. Then I became more convinced that sex is supposed to be pleasurable but I’m only being abused. I heard sex is supposed to be enjoyed in marriage but for me, it scares the hell out of me. Harry even reported me to my mother who is now old. Instead of telling him to stop hurting me, the poor old woman just begged him to be patient with me.
One of the women leaders in the church called us for counseling one day. My husband told her that he likes to have sex frequently and if I continue to complain he would go out and meet other women. He claimed that other women out there enjoy rough sex but he thinks I am abnormal, selfish, or possessed.
The woman leader, who was shocked and short of words, advised me to always take Paracetamol after sex to reduce the pain. I think I’m used to the pain now but the only problem is that I feel very scared each time I think about it or whenever Harry demands for it.
I had once thought of killing myself or at least running away but I have to consider my children. This issue is causing me to hate my husband every day – how can I love someone that hurts me to please himself? I’m the one that is regretting ever getting married.
Is there any solution for me? What can I do?
Divorce is not an option for me because my church doesn’t allow it. But six years have passed and I have had enough!