My husband wants me to go and live with his family.

Please keep me anonymous. I am a 27 year old lady and I have been married for over a year now. I work in Benin as a secondary school teacher in a private school. I teach basic science and I derive joy from what I do. The pay is not so wonderful but teaching is fun for me and I do not intend to change my profession anytime soon. Two years ago I got into a relationship with my current husband. We dated briefly and we got married. Life was good for us. We had a good start as couples. My husband was working and I was still teaching. We were both earning well but life was not perfect. We could not conceive immediately after marriage but it was not in any way affecting us. Our finances were a distressing thing to us. I was not paid much likewise my husband. My husband started making plans to relocate and search for greener pastures. After some time, he got a visa to Germany after a friend helped him. He got there and was doing well. Meanwhile we didn’t have a child before he left and that was a problem. 

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His mother would always call me. Initially she was very nice but shortly after her son traveled out she changed. She would call me and talk about how she wanted a grandchild from me and her son. I explained to her several times that since her son was not around, we could not have a child. It was obvious to everyone so it was not as if we intentionally didn’t want to have a child. She knew this, she knew about the role distance was playing in our childlessness yet she always called and made me uncomfortable. I once spoke to my husband about it and how uncomfortable it was for me to always face his mother and talk about having a child. He would often tell me to overlook it and ignore his mother but it was not that easy. After some time, his mom became worse and I stopped taking her calls. 

A lot has happened and I am growing tired of everything life has been throwing at me. I don’t know the kind of conversation my husband had with his mom. All I know is that he called me three weeks ago and told me that I should resign from my job. At first, I thought he was just being funny but he was serious. He insisted I resign from my job since I was not even making enough after all. He claimed he could pay me my salary and extra money every month. I felt bruised that my own husband was not concerned about how I felt and what made me happy. The worst wasn’t even that he asked me to resign, he asked me to resign and move to his village to stay with his mother and siblings pending when he returns. 

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I refused openly. I made efforts to explain to him why I shouldn’t do that but he wasn’t even ready to listen. Who still lives with her mother-in-law these days? I don’t even live with her yet and from a distance, she is already making my life miserable. I don’t have plans to stay with her. She will do nothing but remind me about my situation and I am not willing to give someone that much power over me. The worst is, my husband expects me to just stay with them without working. He is threatening to end everything if I don’t succumb to his instructions and I don’t know what to do. My marriage is still very young and I am already facing this kind of situation.  

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