I’ve been reading your blog for a long time and have turned to it for relationship advice now and again. Being a Nigerian-American woman married to a Nigerian man (whom I love very dearly), I can’t say American relationship advice often applies to our situation, especially now that our lives have fallen into a bleak valley.
In just three months, I lost my job (I’m the breadwinner) and discovered I was pregnant with our second child. My husband adores our 1st child (1-yr old), but when he heard my news, he demanded I have an abortion. He refuses to hear anything else and says I’m selfish to keep the baby. That I only do what I want.
My religious belief forbids abortion, but more than that, I’m a young mother who knows that this child will not ruin our lives. He won’t hear of anymore kids until, he says, we’re financially set, by that he means wealthy. He’d have me have multiple abortions until he deemed the time right for a child.
Where he is right now, we only speak by phone. Since I told him the news and refused the abortion, he has equally refused to call or answer my calls. Or if he happens to answer the phone, he usually hangs up after a few minutes.
Until I agree to the abortion, he will treat me like a stranger as punishment (which is what’s he’s done before in past arguments). I was raised in the states: by refusing to obey my husband’s request, have I committed some unforgivable cultural offense by Nigeria standards?
My husband made it sound like no Nigerian wife would ever speak her mind like I have.
Sorry, a long story. But I want to do right by my family, and I believe I’ll find work soon and that blessings always follow children.
I always prided myself on my husband’s peaceful nature, his loyalty to family, his forgiving heart. I feel I don’t know him anymore.