My husband wants me to have another kid for him and we are struggling with the 4 girls we have.

This marriage is sincerely weighing me down. Regardless of all my efforts to put things in order and please my husband, it seems as if we will never have peace in this marriage not to talk of having a happy home. I am in my late thirties and I have been married to my husband for 15 years now. I gave birth to four beautiful girls that are very very intelligent. Since birth, they have been making my husband and I very proud and happy parents. They are very smart and usually do well in school. Two of them have been the best students in their classes since they got into school. The other two are also very intelligent and have good results every term. Not just that they are intelligent, they are very obedient and give me little or no stress. 

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My husband and I have agreed we are not going to have any more kids since we already have four and also because things are not very easy for us. We are not hungry but we are not as comfortable as supposed. So because of that, we decided to raise the kids we already have properly and give them the best things in life we can provide. This was our agreement for a very long time until recently. My husband is now disturbing me to give birth to another child so that I can give him a male child. Initially when he brought this up, I was annoyed but I knew there was no point in being angry. I calmly spoke to him and tried to make him see reasons why we cannot have more kids. 

Considering our financial status and the fact that we already have lively children, I believe that if we put in the right resources and raise them well, there is no extent they cannot reach and there is nothing they cannot do for us when they grow. Regardless of all I said to him, he turned deaf ears to them and insisted I try and give him a male child. He kept on complaining about how people were making fun of him because he does not have a son. I kept on wondering if he wants a son because of what people are saying or because he really needs a son. Or does it mean that what outsiders say now hold more water than what we agreed on as couples? I was really surprised at his actions. 

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He is trying to make me understand the importance of a male son in every home. He keeps on talking about who will inherit his property when he is no more. I don’t understand why he still believes so much in tradition and ancient things. He has kids and they can carry his family name. Even if not because of that, is there any guarantee that if I conceive now that I will give birth to a son? What if I give birth to another girl, what will happen? Will he still ask me to conceive till I give him a male child? Why would he not accept the beautiful gifts God has blessed him with? Why is he making my daughters look like they do not have so much value or like they are inferior to boys?

This is beginning to cause a serious problem in my family and I am worried. My husband does not have a steady job. What he does is like a freelance thing. He only works once in a while when he sees a job but the pay is not even enough. I am the major provider in the family. My salary is also not much but I pay for most of the things in the house. I pay the house rent, feed the family including my husband and sometimes pay the kids’ school fees. All these are on me and if I get pregnant now, it will affect my job and I won’t be able to provide for the family as usual. 

It is not as if my husband can feed us. He doesn’t have a good job. Things are going to be very difficult for us and that is what I am fighting against. Now he is threatening to marry another woman if I fail to give him a male child. I am very confused and tired. What do you think I should do? Should I ignore him or just do as he say or what? I don’t know what to do please help me. 

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