Please I need your opinion on this but kindly hide my identity before you post it. I am a young woman in my early thirties. My husband is in his late thirties and he is a very good man. I mean he is nice to a fault and sometimes it feels as if we will even quarrel about certain things. Notwithstanding that we have misunderstandings sometimes, we still genuinely love each other and it is very visible in the way we react to things. The issue that is bothering me the most now is my husband’s relatives and the way my husband relates with them. I agree we were raised differently and we will not agree on some certain things, see things from the same perspective or even do things the same way but I am concerned. I can say that I am a huge introvert. I was raised in a nuclear family were we were taught to respect each other’s privacy regardless of the fact that we are close and all. We are just four and I am the third. My younger brother is yet to marry but my two senior siblings are married with kids. My mom too has married siblings but they are just three. My dad has six more siblings but everyone just understands my family tradition and they do not invade our privacy or come to our home unannounced.
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Before anyone comes to our father’s house, be it my mom’s siblings or my dad’s siblings, they must call to inform us of their visit so that we prepare to accommodate them. The same thing goes for my cousins and even before I got married, I used to call my elder sister to inform her before I went to visit her. It is a normal thing in our family and I thought it was the same in other places but I was wrong. My husband comes from a large family. He has seven siblings and he is the fourth child and the second son of the family. As opposed to who I am, my husband is a big extrovert. He loves having a large house, he loves being around people and playing with kids. I kind of find it stressful that I always have to deal with people coming in and out of my house without regard for what I want or my privacy. My husband’s siblings always come to the house without calling me or informing him. Sometimes they come and spend over a week and I find it really annoying. I speak to my husband about this but he doesn’t do anything much.
All he does is try to make me understand that they are his family and as such should have free access into his house. I have explained to him that I don’t have any problem with them coming to visit us but the fact that they don’t inform us so that we can make proper arrangements for them is what disturbs me. You will agree with me that things are very hard right now. Go to the market and you will find out that the prices of goods have skyrocketed. Everything is very expensive right now and feeding grown adults that you don’t not plan to house makes it even more annoying. So many times, I exceed my budget for the month because they came and I have to increase the quantity of foodstuff I shop. Apart from that, I have two kids and I don’t like that these adult men come into the house and stay with them.
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I care a lot about privacy and child safety. Yes, these are relations but you can never really trust anyone. Sexual abuse or paedophilia is on a sporadic increase and I am doing everything within my power to ensure that my children are safe. I always try to explain these things to my husband but he just doesn’t get it. He thinks family is everything. Yes, I agree family is important but not when they affect certain areas of your life. Apart from that, we are almost struggling at home, my husband’s salary is not much and I supplement whatever he gives me with the little that I get from him. My husband has made our home look and feel so great that when these children, including adults, come, they relax and expect me to run around and serve them. I am tired of living this way. I complain over and over again but my husband is beginning to see me like a nagging wife. I need advice on what to do; I want these people to understand me and act accordingly.