This is going to be a long story. It’s taken me a long time to decide to type this out but I have to because it’s been keeping me up at night for months. To try and condense it, my mom had kids young. Three of us with three different men. (No shame in multiple fathers, it’s just relevant to the story.)
Her mother, my grandmother, was insanely abusive. My mom and her brothers all had their bones broken by this woman before age 10, she was just that evil of a person. Throughout my mom’s pregnancies she did meth and drank a lot, luckily my older sister and I were born healthy but my younger sister was born 2 months early. Throughout our childhood we dealt with homelessness, hunger, neglect, you name it. Drugs were always more important than us and so was whatever guy she was into that week. I remember for a while, we were living with my youngest sister’s father (my mom was pregnant with her at the time) and we never had food, clean clothes, or even a hairbrush or toothpaste. My big sister tried her best to take care of me, teaching me to turn my underwear inside out because it was the only pair I had, brushing my teeth with baking soda, and hiding me in closets so I couldn’t see my step father beating my pregnant mother in the stomach when he went psycho.
We were poor and suffered, but my mom never went without. She had food, new clothes, makeup, and her hair was always done. Our step father never let us have his food and would hide it from us, and my mom allowed this to happen. She also went along with his requirements that we kids eat (when we DID eat) on the kitchen floor by the back door like dogs because we weren’t allowed to sit at the table with them. I remember wetting the bed often from emotional distress and my mom making me sleep in a bug infested shed in the backyard alone as punishment. Ugh, my heart is racing just typing this out.
Because of all this, she lost custody of us, and since our biological fathers were all garbage, my evil grandmother got custody of us. That’s a whole different abuse story in itself. This lady made Mommie Dearest look like a comedy. Needless to say, my mom was mostly absent from our lives after that. We’d see her when she came to visit every now and then, and then poof, she’d be gone again for months on a bender. She broke our hearts over and over again, disappearing and leaving us to be beaten and psychologically abused by our grandmother.
We eventually got back in contact as adults and although my sister and I kept her at a distance, our relationship patched itself up. But the thing is, she never acknowledged the abuse that she LET HAPPEN, and acted as if our stories weren’t true. She’s always made it all about herself and the abuse SHE endured at the hands of her ex. This always left us furious and feeling totally invalidated.
Present day- I’m now 6 months pregnant, for the first time, and a former addict. Being a former addict I could sympathize with her situation and her being a shitty person, but now that I’m going to be a mother myself my perspective has changed completely. My baby isn’t even born yet and there’s already NOTHING I wouldn’t do to keep her safe and healthy. I resent my mother more each day for doing drugs while pregnant and setting us up to be abused without speaking a single fucking word. It makes it hurt even worse that she can’t even admit to this very day that our shitty childhoods were 100% her fault.
So about my current step-dad. He’s such a kind and wonderful man. My mom doesn’t even KIND OF deserve him. They were married about 20 years ago when she was out of our lives, giving her plenty of time to fill his head with stories of her being the most wonderful mother and having her children “stolen from her” by my grandmother. He believes every story she’s ever made up because, well why shouldn’t he? My mom has numerous health problems now such as severe crohns disease, ulcerative colitis, rheumatoid arthritis, and more. She’s sick all the time and might have cancer as well. The future really isn’t looking long for her.
My problem is, I’m dying to tell my step-dad everything. It makes me sick that I’m essentially faking a great childhood to keep my moms lies in place. It isn’t fair and I want him to know about it. Is it crazy that I want him to know before she dies so that she can finally be seen for who she is? I don’t want to ruin what my step-dad thinks is a great marriage because I love him so dearly and it would break his heart, but mine is broken too and has been since I was a kid.