My sister-in-law stays with me but doesn’t do any house chore or care for my baby. How do I send her home peacefully? – First-time mom

I’m a first-time mom. I just got married last year and gave birth to my baby boy last month. It’s been all joy since then. My mom came for postnatal care but because of work, she could only stay for three weeks with us. Her stay, though short was really impactful as she taught me several ways I could take care of my baby in her absence. When she left, there was no one to stay with me and I was finding it difficult to cope. 

Taking care of my baby and keeping the house in shape was a big task for me. Because of this, I need someone to stay with me so that the person can help me out. I couldn’t get anyone from my side because I’m the last child and my nieces and nephews are still very young. I also didn’t want to go for a total stranger or a househelp for security reasons. Because of that, I wanted a relative. Someone my son will be safe with. 

I spoke with my husband and he said he’d ask his sister to come and stay with us. She is in 300L in a public university so due to the asuu strike, she is still at home. I was happy  at least I will be relieved. She came the next week but things have not been going on well as I thought. She doesn’t do any much work. When she came initially, she was good and also took care of things in the house. 

She would cook and clean the house. Sometimes she would wash my baby’s clothes and even go to the market to buy things for the house. I was enjoying her company then but all of a sudden, I noticed the change in her character. She spends more time with her phone and she wakes up late. I am not the kind of person that likes to wake people especially someone that I believe is an adult. 

The first time she did that, I thought it was because of stress or maybe she wasn’t feeling too well so I didn’t bother her about it but it continued. Although she spends time with my baby, it is not the major thing she should do. She is always with my baby but I need her to help me and clean the house. I can’t start cleaning frequently because I haven’t recovered fully so the doctor advised I do not over stress myself. 

I like my house clean and everything in place but she doesn’t do anything. I do the cooking but I can’t clean or wash regularly. I find it difficult to tell people what to do because I believe she is an adult and can use her sense but she is proving otherwise. After she changed, I had to tell her what to do and she grudges and murmurs when I do. 

There was a day I told her to clean the house and wash the clothes fast so that she can go and buy things for dinner, she grudged and said she didn’t come to serve anyone and she is not a househelp. I was angry and I reacted. Because I was already becoming tired of her attitude, I said a lot of bad things to her and it worsened our relationship. 

I told my husband about her character and he promised to talk to her. He has done that but nothing much has changed. She spends most of her time in her room, watching movies and playing loud music. It is becoming really bad being with her. I end up doing most of the things I even want her to do. 

My husband is not always at home so he doesn’t understand when I tell him these things. Plus she is his sister so he believes she is not bad. He has started seeing my complaints as nagging and dismisses them abruptly. I want to tell him to send his sister home so that at least, I can have a good mental and emotional state but I am afraid he will misunderstand me.  How can I save this situation? How can I send her home without causing problems between my husband and I? 

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