My wife is harsh to our kids. How do I correct this?

Please keep me anonymous. I am a young father of four children, all within the age bracket of four to fourteen as this is our 14th year of marriage. My wife used to be a very lovely and accommodating wife and mother. She was very lovely, jovial and homely. When we first welcomed our first child, a girl, she showered her with so much love and affection. She was so attached to her that she temporarily closed her shop for almost one year in order to properly nurse this child of ours. She dedicated so much time to her even to the extent that I was feeling left out.

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Our second child came and it was almost the same thing but we still had time to be with each other. We still made out time to go for dates and even stroll in the evening sometimes. We gave our kids the best and worked really hard to maintain that. Our third child wasn’t with so much difference but when our fourth child came, everything changed drastically. It started from when the child was born. The baby used to cry so much and would force my wife to stay awake in the night. That wasn’t much of an issue because most kids cry in the night.

However, I noticed that my wife wasn’t attached to this child as she was with other kids. But I thought it was because she was already an experienced mother and coupled with the fact that she already had three kids, I felt that the motherhood tag wasn’t so enticing anymore as it used to be. That was when it all started. Till date, she is very harsh to the kids. She shouts at them at the slightest of provocation. The kids are very scared of her. I am usually very busy but I feel worried leaving her alone with the kids. Most times when she tries to hit them, I intervene.

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My job is very demanding so I don’t get to spend so much time with the kids but as soon as I close from work, I rush home because I know how hard my wife could be on the kids. I have a good relationship with all my children. I make out time for them unlike their mother so they feel more comfortable with me. They are always happy when I am around. I have spoken to my wife many times about how she speaks to the kids but she doesn’t understand me. She always claims that when you don’t discipline kids that they will spoil. Yes, you can discipline kids but not the way she does. I am scared of the negative impacts her actions will have on the kids, especially their self esteem.

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