My wife lied about having a miscarriage and instead had an abortion, I don’t know what to do now?

Bayo Ajibola

My wife and I have been married for 3 years and for the past year we’ve been trying for a child.

Both of us wished to have kids so after we got married we made a decision to first rent a bigger  house and get things in order financially before having children. A year ago both of us mutually decided that we were in the right place to try for a child, actually it was my wife that put the idea forward.

Just a little over 8 months ago my wife realized that she was 6 weeks pregnant with our first child. I was very happy, I had always wanted to be a father and it looked like something I never imagined was possible was coming true. My wife and I started buying parenting books, preparing for a nursery, just doing all the stuff first-time parents do. I had never been happier at this moment.

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A few weeks later, I had to fly overseas for a work conference. I was gone for around 8 days. Whilst I was abroad, my wife phoned, she was crying and told me she had a miscarriage. She was 18 weeks pregnant at this point. I flew back home quickly and told work that I had a family emergency. I was depressed with the news, but I never properly mourned as I felt I had to be emotionally tough for my wife who was a devastated.

This was a difficult period for both of us, but I thought we had come out much stronger as a couple. I knew I had to give my wife time as well as space before we could approach the subject again, particularly with this being, what I believed, her first miscarriage.

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Having said that, a week ago, a friend of my wifes called and told me she had something very important to tell me. Obviously my wife had arranged an abortion, whilst I was away at a conference. My wife’s reasons being that she was not prepared to be a parent. My wife also said she didn’t want me to know about the abortion since I was so excited to be a parent and she didn’t want to hurt me.

In the beginning I didn’t believe this to be true but after confronting my wife she told me that yes she did actually aborted our child.

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I’m in shock at the moment. I’m hurt, angry and disappointed. I just don’t understand why she didn’t just talk to me about it. Maybe we might have talked this through, but right this moment I’m so mad that she went behind my back and led me to believe she lost our child. I understand that my wife is the one carrying the child, and at the end has the right to make any decision she wants, but why lie about the whole situation.

I  honestly don’t know whether to carry on with the relationship or not. I love my wife but this is a huge betrayal to me, and I can’t even look at her right now. She’s currently crying and begging me to forgive her, I’ve just gone down to the spare bedroom and locked myself inside. Please someone just tell me what to do.


Bayo Ajibola

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