Please keep me anonymous. I am having a very big issue with my wife currently and I need a solution. My wife has become quite troublesome lately and apart from that, we always have huge quarrels when it comes to going home for Christmas. I am a 37 year old man and my wife is 32. We have been married 8 years and we have always had issues about where to travel for Christmas. Sometimes she doesn’t want to travel at all as she prefers to stay in Lagos. Other times, when she finally agrees to travel, she prefers to go to her own village instead of mine. In the first few years of our marriage, we didn’t travel much. We didn’t travel in the first and second year because we wanted to make the most out of ourselves.
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In the third year when we already had a child, she willingly followed me home because we wanted to show our baby to our family members. We were welcomed warmly, with open arms but for some reasons she wasn’t happy throughout our stay there. I just couldn’t explain what he’d problem or reasons we’re. I asked severally why she was unhappy but she didn’t say. She kept on pressuring me for us to leave faster than we planned. My family members are very nice and they love her. My mom doesn’t disturb her and there isn’t any work to do in my house. Contrary to what people think about igbo homes in festive seasons, my wife didn’t have to spend all day in the kitchen because we had help that cooked for us.
I later found out that she had a small quarrel with my younger sister who spoke to her rudely. I spoke to my sister and she apologized to her. Yet up till now she has not forgiven her or gotten over it. It has been five years and she still remembers that incident. The annoying thing is that my sister is married and she doesn’t always come back for festivals as she goes to her own husband’s house. Still my wife hates going home. It makes me wonder if there is more to the issue than the quarrel with my sister. Last year, we agreed that she will go to her family house for Christmas, then we will go to my house this year.
Now, she left with the kids to her house again. I feel very sad and disrespected. Sent her money for flight and extra money for upkeep and she left on the 23rd to her family house. My siblings and I agreed to all come home for Christmas this year with our kids. The girls also told their husbands about it. My wife knows about this arrangement and she still went ahead to go to her family house. I am the only one who didn’t come home with my family. Everyone looks at me in a very pitiful way. I have been calling her since I found out on the 24th that she didn’t go to my village but she says she can’t come to my place. She claims they will come on the 29th for the new year but I know it’s all a lie. I feel very sad and my mom thinks I have problems in my marriage. What should I do?