My wife and I have been married for 4 years. I will call her Abby. We love each other, have a great marriage, and are talking about having kids soon. I really don’t have any complaints.
BUT, before Abby met me, she was with a guy, Kunle, for two years. She said she was madly in love with him but had to leave him because he was verbally abusive. Shortly after she left Kunle , she met me, and the rest is history.
I thought it went without saying that Abby had forgotten about Kunle . However, there have been some odd things that she has said about him that make me nervous, or even a little jealous. She once told me that Kunle was so good looking that she had a hard time making eye contact. This was in the context of a conversation about why she put up with his abuse for so long. And when I replayed what she said… She’s never said that I was too good looking to look at. It’s almost like she said Kunle was more attractive, and it hurt. I didn’t bring this up though because she sometimes gets upset when I mention Kunle .
There’s also been a few times where she mentioned something that Kunle used to do, and she’s have this wistful look on her face, almost like she was still enamored with him. This wasn’t 100% clear though and it didn’t happen often so I let it slide.
I have told Abby in the past that I felt a little jealous because Kunle seemed like a more attractive man than me, but she assured me that she didn’t think of him that way and that she loved me.
All this being said, my wife said something a bit odd about Kunle two nights ago, and it’s been messing with my head.
We were sitting on the couch watching film, and Abby had been drinking a bit. We somehow got on the subject of feet, and how we both thought feet were gross and didn’t understand why some people liked feet. I held my bare foot up and said something like “can you imagine someone liking my feet, I have gross feet.” Abby laughed and agreed that my feet were gross. (This wasn’t particularly hurtful, her tone was playful.)
Then after a few seconds, Abby said “The only person’s feet I would ever consider attractive is Kunle’s feet. He had the most beautiful feet.”
As you can imagine, this killed the conversation, but Abby didn’t seem to notice. She was staring off into space. I just went back to watching TV.
The next morning, when we woke up, she acted like nothing happened. And maybe she really didn’t remember, because she was drunk, and it was an offhand remark. But it’s been bugging me for the past couple of days. Not just because it was about Kunle , but because my feet were ugly, then said his were beautiful. Maybe it’s silly but it made me feel really insecure and jealous.
Abby has noticed that something is off about me. She asked earlier this morning if something is wrong. I denied it, but… I don’t think I can just forget about this like I want to.
I’m thinking I will need to sit down with her and talk about the Kunle situation. We are cooped up together for the next two weeks at least so that makes things complicated, it’s not like one of us can leave if the conversation goes sour. And I hope it doesn’t come to that. But…