We have been married for 3 months right after courting for 5 years. She has know I smoked ever since we started courting and has generally resented it, however her position about it has changed throughout the relationship. Initial, she didn’t want me smoking in the vicinity of her.
After that, she said i should me cut back, to finally, she wanted me to quit completely. In April of 2019 after we were engaged she gave me an ultimatum – her or cigarettes. I picked her and give up smoking for several months, however began smoking all over again when she is not around and I knew she wouldn’t discover.
A couple weeks ago she found me smoking and right away said she is was done with me and she want to divorce me – she said I lied to her and I am also couldn’t be trusted. She once again gave me an ultimatum of cigarettes or her; I informed her I would not like to give her the same assurance I gave her in May 2019 . We never really resolved this specific situation. It’s been hanging over us now ever since then.
I have smoked cigarettes every day for approximately 10 years and yes it doesn’t adversely affect my life in any way – I’ve got a very good job, I am in financial terms stable, and I am a in general responsible person. Her explanation for disliking cigarettes is that whenever I’m high it reminds her of her friend who used to do weed. She doesn’t care how unreasonable this comparison is and just keeps saying that she will not change her viewpoint of it.
I really love my wife however I do not know if I can give up smoking permanently. A great deal of my friendships are forged from smoking together with each other. Psychologically, the fact that she’s given me an ultimatum makes it a lot more difficult to give up. I’ve reached out to her for her to understand this.
This covid-19 situation has has made things worse we are both stuck at home and i got to do what i got to do when i want it. I love smoking!!! Its as simple as that. How can she be given me an ultimatum? If anyone has gone through the same situation I would certainly appreciate hearing the way you dealt with the situation.