My wife is wonderful. We’ve been married since July of this past year, so going on nine months as a couple. She’s smart, witty, gorgeous and very kind. She disclosed to me in the first month of dating that she has depression and anxiety. She manages everything with therapy and prescribed antidepressants. She has never been totally open with me regarding this, but I know she struggles and I try to be there and make her feel loved when she’s down.
Today we were playing cards and folding my clothes at our flat and I could tell something was off. We were having a wonderful time, but she was still acting funny. I inquired if she was okay and she said sure I’m fine. I pushed and asked again and she started tearing up which broke my heart. I asked what was going on and if she was okay. She said “you’re gunna be upset if I tell you.”
She said to me her freshman year of university long time ago, she was out with friends at a club and had way to much to drink. She went home with a guy and she said the next thing she remembers she was having sex with him and two other guys, his room mates, were jerking off in her face. She said they all had sex with her, and she was so drunk she couldn’t get up to leave. She said she tried to put her panties on at one point and one of the guys pushed them back down. When she was leaving, one of the guys pulled out his phone and started video taping her and said “say you consent.” She said she kept saying no but was able to leave.
I feel sick to my stomach. This happened 3 years ago. She never ever reported it. She said two of the guys were charged with crimes relating to cult activities and one transferred universities months later.
I was distressed. I told her I loved her and I’m sorry that happened to her. That it wasn’t her fault and no-one has the right to violate somebody like that. She’s worried I won’t look at her the same and that I’ll treat her differently.
I don’t know how to feel or act. How do I comfort her? I don’t want to bring it up again because I don’t want to make her relive it and it’s not my story to tell. It’s dark and horrible and she has to live with this cloud over her.
I just want to erase it from my memory as I’m sure she does. I need some advice on how I should think about this and how to deal. For both of our sakes. I love her so much and want to be my usual self around her and make her laugh. The last thing I want is for her to notice that I’m deflated and upset and thinking about it. How do I block it out and be there for her? How should I frame this in my mind to be a supporting and loving boyfriend to her? She’s my best friend.