My wife took a loan from her ex without informing me. I feel very sad.

Please keep me anonymous. I am a 46 year old married man. I have been married to my wife for about thirteen years now and I have done everything within my ability to make sure that my wife and children have the best life. I used to work at a production company as the manager although the firm isn’t mine but due to some issues that I could not handle, I was sacked. This affected my financial situation a lot and ever since then, I have been struggling to bounce back and be the breadwinner again. Since I lost my job, my wife has not given me any reason to doubt my decision to marry her. She has been very good to me. She has assumed the role of the breadwinner and regardless of all the difficulties we are going through, she is still here with me and my kids. Every day I look at her and I am grateful to God for the gift of her in my life. 

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She owns a small business and that is where she has been supporting the family from. I have been searching for a job but I have not been very lucky. Currently, I work at my friend’s firm but the pay is not much, I just manage it and try to contribute to whatever my wife brings to the table. Like I said earlier, my wife sees to most of the things in the family and all I do is contribute, yet she does not insult me nor make me feel like I am less of a man. However, something happened recently and I have not been able to get over it. Things were really tough for us, we needed money to take care of a lot of things. The kids’ school fees were piling up and we have gotten past the supposed date for us to pay the fees. My wife’s father was also not in good health and he was booked for a surgery and my wife was supposed to contribute. 

There were so many things that we needed to do with money but sadly, we didn’t have any money to do them. I suggested to my wife that I sell my car so we can at least pay for her father’s bill but she refused. Instead, she said she was going to borrow from one of her friends who is also a business associate so we can pay her back in installments. I insisted on selling the car so that we don’t owe anybody but she refused. She said that staying without a car would stress us and even incur more expenses due to transport fare and other things. About a week after the conversation, she told me that her friend payed in five hundred thousand Naira to her account and said we could payback whenever we got it. I was happy and also asked to speak with her friend and thank her but she said there was no need. 

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She showed me the credit alert and we agreed to send part of the money to her parents for her dad’s health and we did. All these were happening about four months ago. Ever since then, I have been asking her how we could repay her friend and she has been saying that I shouldn’t worry. I was going through her phone two days ago and I saw a message she sent to someone. I opened it and she was appreciating the person for the money given to her. I scrolled a while and I realized it was her ex and they have been in touch for a long time. The money she told me she got from her friend was from her ex and he said she shouldn’t pay back. That wasn’t even the first time he was sending her money. I saw a lot of things, the guy was married and was still asking my wife out. I felt sick. I confronted her and she admitted everything but insisted there was nothing going on between them. 

I feel terrible. I don’t know what to believe anymore. Some messages were deleted so I don’t even know how long they have been talking or how much money my wife has collected from him. I feel like I have failed in my duties as a man. Another man is slowly taking over my home and I don’t know what to do. Please help me. I am sad and distressed. What should I do? Please advise me. 

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