First of all, let’s be clear on one thing. Life outside marriage doesn’t refer to having a man or woman on the side. It’s about having activities or pastimes that don’t involve your spouse in any way.
Marriages usually start off very happy and the couple is so in love that they want to spend every waking moment together. It may be very cute and heartwarming at first and it takes a lot of strength to stay apart even for an hour. You never imagine that you can get lost in all that love and if you do, you find the thought of it very romantic. It is romantic actually but it shouldn’t be all there is in your marriage.
You are more than a spouse. Your life had various facets before you got married and it should remain that way if you want your life to continue having some sort of balance. It is very likely that you had siblings, parents, friends, a job and maybe even a hobby before you got married. You enjoyed spending time with these other people and in these hobbies and that didn’t make you any less of a person. And you did them not because you were single but because they are what constitute your life. Your spouse is an addition to this. Yes, the dynamics change but it shouldn’t be to a point where everything and everyone else disappears into oblivion.
There has to be something that is just for you and your spouse isn’t welcome or at least doesn’t feel the need or urge to be there for it. You need to maintain your individuality and keep alive those areas of your life that only you understand why they are important or why they make your life better. What’s the fuss all about, you ask? Well, here is why.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Humans have this tendency to take each other for granted when they know the other person will always be there when they want them. Constantly being around each other can also cause you to grow tired of each other much faster than you anticipated. You want to keep the fire burning much longer in your relationship.
Some alone time helps you reflect on building you as an individual whether with a hobby, meeting a friend or meditating. That way you give your full attention when spending time with your partner. Taking time to relax and find happiness ensures you don’t depend on your spouse to be the cause of your happiness. They may make you happy but you need to have some of your own before you receive from them. You will also find their company more delightful because you will have missed them! Look closely and you will realize you appreciate those moments spent together more when you’ve had some time apart.
It reduces regrets
It’s very easy to throw your weight behind your spouse and forget you had dreams and interests of your own. With time you regret why you didn’t pursue your interests when you could and this can easily turn into resentment for your spouse because they didn’t encourage or support you when you needed it but let you support their dreams and invest only in the marriage. That’s not a good place to be in marriage because it can tear and break it apart.
In the long run, you’ll both benefit if both of you build yourselves individually as you build your marriage. Both of you need to have lives away from each other. It may be difficult at first and will take a lot of strength to sustain as you go along. Once you establish some balance you will both be happier in your union. After all, happy marriages are made up of happy individuals.
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