The Pain of Losing A Child

Bayo Ajibola

The pain of losing a child is one whose tears never dry. The pain lingers in the heart, piercing it with every memory of the lost child. Looking at mothers who have lost a child, every time they tell the tale, it is a struggle of tears and strength to share the painful memory.

Kanze Dena is one such mum whose memory of the daughter brings fresh tears to her eyes. Known to many as a TV personality, her life has remained a perfectly knit secret with little known to the public. Although her smile and voice charm her listeners, deep down is a woman who has experienced the pain of losing a child and consequently fought depression as a result.

Her story as she tells it elicits sympathy from her listeners who luckily may not have experienced such an ordeal. Kanze Dena lost her firstborn daughter as an infant in unclear circumstances. She had her daughter working as waiter while still pursuing her media studies. Neglected by her then boyfriend, she sought her mother’s help in raising her child as she continued her studies. Her boyfriend walked out on her as soon as she discovered she was pregnant.

She nursed the pregnancy to term and wanted to give up the child for adoption after her birth. It took her mother’s convincing to keep her daughter whom she named Natasha. While Kanze Dena continued with her studies, Natasha was being raised by her grandmother in Mombasa. All was well for a while until the fate full day of her death.

Kanze Dena was residing with her aunt when she told her she was urgently needed at home. The urgency of the matter hastened her travel back home and she was surprised to meet a crowd assembled at their home. On rushing inside the house, she was met by Natasha’s lifeless body. Baby Natasha had passed on the previous night.

No words can describe the pain and grief she endured. Kanze Dena blamed God and felt like she was being punished. The incidence broke her, leading her to suffer depression. As she tells the story, the tears freely rolling down her cheeks indicate the kind of pain she endures. Despite the number of years that have passed, the pain is still fresh and relived every time the story is told.

To someone who has never lost a child, it may difficult to understand the kind of infliction this leaves on a mother’s life. To those that have lost a child, they can empathize with the situation as they understand the pain.


We all struggle with our own demons, some more fierce than others. To those who know Kanze Dena from TV and have never heard her story, she comes off as someone who has had an easy life. This is not the case as it is clear she has undergone some low moments in her life and struggled to get back on her feet. She is an encouragement to other women out there who have lost a child. Her strength is one to emulate.

Bayo Ajibola

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