THE SECRETS TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE : Last week, we said that Marriage is one of the most important relationships one has here on earth. From it, one can have a very wonderful experience here on earth. It is also a sad reality that from marriage one can have a very unpleasant experience here on earth. The experience one gets from their marriage is dependent on many things. The following is a continuation of pillars that make a happy marriage.
- POSITIVE INFLUENCE
For your marriage to work, you’ve got to constantly look at the positive examples and hang out with them. Human beings are very impressionable. If you hang out with guys who cheat on their wives, you will easily end up doing the same, BUT if you hang out with people who enjoy their marriage, you will also learn to do the same.
- PUT VALUE ON YOUR MARRIAGE.
Marriages work when a couple places a premium on their marriage. When you got married, you entered into a covenant that has life-long implications that neither of you should dare trifle with. Couples who are happily married approach every issue between them with the solemnity it deserves and always avoid whatever they know would bring strains into their marriage.
- FEARING GOD
Marriage works when you constantly remind yourself that GOD hates divorce and everything that causes it.
When you don’t fear GOD, you easily do whatever seems good to you, even if it hurts your marriage or displeases GOD. But the fear of GOD is not just the beginning of wisdom but a good beginning for every marriage. A person who truly fears GOD is one who will love their spouse unconditionally and stay faithful to them, and a person who doesn’t fear GOD will easily care less about their spouse and marriage.
So happy couples are those who stay in obedience to GOD and consequently deny the marriage killer the opportunity to destroy their home.
- TENDERNESS OF HEART
Marriage works when a couple chooses to be tender-hearted towards each other. But because of the hardness of heart, people cheat on their spouses, disrespect each other, become insensitive to their spouse’s needs and ultimately divorce. Jesus said that Moses allowed divorce among the people because of the hardness of their hearts, but He clarified, “but from the beginning, it was not so”.
A happy couple knows that “No matter what has happened or will happen between us, we can still forgive each other and move on in life and marriage better, not bitter.”
- UNDERSTANDING EACH OTHER
Marriages work and thrive when a couple begins to understand the inherent makeup of their spouse.
Your spouse may be totally different from anyone else you ever met before. She may not be like your mother, sisters, aunts or work colleagues, and you should never force her to be like them. Ask yourself, “What makes her happy? What causes her displeasure? Because you love them, avoid what grieves them and concentrate on what pleases them.
Understand your mate. Don’t do stuff that you know will offend him. True love dictates that you must be considerate to your spouse. Apostle Peter told husbands (And by extension the wives) “…”dwell with them with understanding…” (1 Peter 3:7) What makes your spouse tick? What offends her? Is there something in particular you have a habit of doing that she doesn’t like? Because you love her, choose to change today, even if you grew up doing it and you still enjoy it.
- MEETING LOVE-NEEDS
Happy couples are those who have learnt that “if you fail to meet your spouse’s emotional needs, someone else will”. So they take care of each other, not in fear, but in love. Your spouse has a need that, when satisfied, leaves them with a feeling of happiness and contentment and when unsatisfied leaves them with a feeling of unhappiness and frustration. Marriage works when these love needs are met. These needs would include admiration, affection, quality talk time, companionship, sexual fulfillment etc. Every couple must endeavor to meet each other’s needs for their marriage to work.