It is natural for two individuals who have known each other for some time to take a step forward in their relationship. Having found interesting attributes in each other, they may decide to tie the knot. However, before marriage, it is best to ask certain questions even though it always feels like you know your partner completely. The truth is, you can never know someone completely.
Moreover, marriage comes with a lot of uncertainties and if you don’t plan your marriage well with your partner, there may be issues. To help you avoid these challenges in marriage, we have carefully written this article to put you through 11 questions you should ask before you get married.
1. How will conflicts be resolved?
It is very important to know how the other person is going to resolve the discussions and conflicts within the relationship, as they will happen quite often according to the differences. A good tip is to look at the partner’s family history. Although we are not a perfect reproduction of our parents, much of the values and way of dealing with the world comes from there. See how the other resolves conflicts and if you agree with the management methods. Will every problem end in shouting and offense or is a sensible conversation enough?
2. Are we going to have children?
This is a very important question to ask. Before getting married, it is important that the couple discuss openly and honestly, whether they want to have children and what is the expectation in this regard. It is no use talking only what the other wants to hear just to please the partner and save time and ground. How many children do they want? What are the roles of parents that you envision for each one? It is essential to discuss whether they believe in a fair and balanced creative partnership or one member will be delegated the biggest responsibilities of caring for the children while the other is more dedicated to professional careers.
3. Do previous relationships help or hinder the couple’s life?
Having a past with many serious relationships can pose a risk to marital quality and may increase the potential for divorce. Therefore, it is important to talk about previous relationships from an early age, working on doubts and insecurities. Pretending that nothing happened can increase the appearance of future problems. Try to understand the other person’s past, without judgments, always discussing problems and traumas with care and sincerity. And let the other person know about your previous life as well.
4. How important is religion in your life?
In certain relationships, having different religions can cause major disagreements between individuals. To avoid this, the best thing is to discuss the weight of each of them for each person and design a plan with regard to celebrations, holidays and, especially, raising children. As many traditions see religious acts, it is necessary to make clear common denominators and paths to follow.
5. My debts, your debts?
This generates a lot of discord and problems for relationships. Therefore, discussion about it is very essential. Will you pool resources and control equally, or will each care separately? It is important to open your financial life to the other, mainly counting debts. If there is a big difference between your income and that of your partner, this needs to be discussed. In this case, experts indicate the creation of a basic budget according to proportional income. Make a financial plan, decide what is the best way to make a reserve of money, this will avoid future discussions and unfair charges.
6. How are we going to deal with financial expenses?
Couples must ensure that they are in harmony in terms of spending and financial investments. It is necessary to share goals and objectives, such as deciding to buy a house or make a financial investment; purchase a car or plan a trip. Discuss and establish limits and rules, having a healthy balance in this matter.
7. Can you do things without each other?
Even in marriage, many people want to maintain their autonomy in certain areas of their life, while they are building intimacy with their spouse. This means that members may not be willing to share hobbies or friends, and this can lead to tension and feelings of rejection if not discussed in advance. Couples may also have different expectations about what “privacy” means. So, talk about it, set healthy limits for living together and make room for each other. Having freedom within a relationship does not mean loving less, but being more mature.
8. Do you like each other’s family?
You don’t have to become a new child for your partner’s parents, but maintaining a good relationship with them is fundamental to the health of the relationship. Without respect and rules of coexistence with the family, the tendency is for the couple to gradually distance themselves, until the two can no longer coexist.
9. How important is sex to you?
At the beginning of the relationship, it is normal for the sexual appetite of both to be in tune. Over time, things get colder and the differences tend to widen. A healthy relationship should discuss your expectations for sex and how often you expect to do so. It is through this conversation that you will realize whether the level of sexual satisfaction between you is very different or not. Negotiation is the way to satisfy everyone, without generating frustration or repressed desires.
10. Can you watch porn or see someone else? Before taking a more serious step in the relationship, the couple should discuss positions regarding pornography, monogamy and sexual fetishes. Sexual exclusivity must be talked about, as well as other day-to-day concerns, so that problems can be addressed before they even happen. Although many couples are afraid to do it, it is also important to discuss views on pornography and masturbation. These items end up turning into a snowball and causing many problems in the lives of couples.
11. How do you see the relationship 10 years from now?
Having and keeping this answer in your mind can help you see the health of your relationship. If you can visualize your life together for a long time, it will be much easier to go through conflicts and difficulties. If you do not have that long-term vision together, it is best to rethink the union. This is also a good opportunity to raise the question of whether each partner will consider divorce if the relationship deteriorates, or if they expect the marriage to last for a lifetime.