To really know a person there are two ways: either we spend a lot of time together, observing them in different situations in life, or we talk to each other, hoping that this person will open up, break down their defenses and decide to say something intimate.
The latter is not easy because it can only be achieved when mutual trust, respect, and very special attention are established. But sometimes these conditions magically come true, and then it’s time to step forward and to unravel the personal questions we have kept in the drawer. These personal questions may include:
1. The dream never told
We all have secrets, it’s quite normal. And so the person we have in front of us and whom we decided to know also has them. You may decide to start from there, because secrets are basically the innermost part of us, the one that most represents us and at the same time, however, the one we are most ashamed of.
It will be rude to outrightly asked them about their secrets. Thus, the best way to go about it is to ask something they’ve always wanted to do but never got the opportunity to do. You may also ask them something they’ve done but never shared. To make the room a bit comfortable, you may have to share yours first.
2. The misunderstandings
Each of us, at least in part, feels not understood. People who know us only know us up to a certain point, and even our parents – at least in a certain phase of our life – find it hard to recognize us.
It is therefore not uncommon for people to get an idea of us that does not correspond to reality, in whole or in part. What’s the thing that everyone misunderstands about you? What is the mistake they make in trying to understand you?
Asking the person why and especially in what aspects it has been misunderstood can therefore be a good exercise, for both of you.
3. Changes in the past
We may not be who or where we want to be. Our identity, our way of dealing with life and people is necessarily also a result of what we have been and what we have lived.
If we have had severe pain we face things differently. If life has always smiled at us we are more open and available, while if it has bludgeoned us we probably always have a certain anxiety, particular attention. Usually, if this is true for us , it is also true for others .
So, if we really want to get to know a person, we may decide to inquire about their past that were really decisive for the formation of their character. If you could change just one thing about your past, your choice or behavior, which one would you change?
4. The compliments
A person knows himself by exploring his weaknesses, his shortcomings, his mistakes, but he also knows himself by understanding what his strengths are. In fact, we do not want this two-way dialogue that we have begun to become just a revelation of the pains of the past.
For a conversation of this type to work, in fact, it is also necessary to clarify what is good. You don’t have to be excessively modest, you can talk about your strengths and also ask the other person about theirs.
In a more specific way, you can ask these questions as below:
What is your secret dream that you have never told anyone?
What’s the thing that everyone misunderstands about you? What is the mistake they make in trying to understand you?
If you could change just one thing about your past, your choice or behavior, which one would you change?
What’s the compliment that really gets you excited? And given by whom?
What is the thing that terrifies you the most about your future?