Real-Life Account: Is My Fiancée’s Disobedience a Cause for Concern? Is This A Red Flag?

Bayo Ajibola

I am seeking advice and support. My name is Francis, and I have been in a relationship for nearly two years. We first met at a wedding where she was a wedding usher and immediately caught my attention with her beauty and charm. She was studying Mass Communications in her third year at Unilag. We started as friends and eventually took our relationship to the next level. I am drawn to her intelligence and sense of humor, and she hails from Ondo state.

Recently, we got engaged after she completed her final year exams. My plan was to marry her after her youth service, once she secured a job, and then save up enough money to start our married life together. She was posted to Ogun state for her youth service, which thrilled me because my parents live in Abeokuta. I assumed she would stay with my family after her camp. However, she decided to stay with her friends in the corpers lodge instead of residing with my parents.

This situation persisted until she had an issue with one of the corpers, which made her uncomfortable staying there. She expressed her desire to rent a place, despite the fact that I have a family house in town where she could stay. Her reasons for refusing to stay with my family were that it was too far from her place of assignment and she didn’t want to live with her future in-laws, as she felt they would monitor her every move.

I find her reasons unconvincing and, as a result, I refused to assist her in finding accommodation. I believe the distance between the family house and her place of assignment is easily manageable with a taxi ride, and I am willing to provide her with transportation expenses. Additionally, her concerns about being monitored by her future in-laws are baseless, as my parents are welcoming and supportive. I believe staying with my parents would give her an opportunity to bond with my family. However, this disagreement has caused friction in our relationship, and I’m seeking advice on how to handle it.

Currently, I am unaware of where she is staying, as she is with someone she claims is a friend and has refused to communicate with me until I send her money for accommodation. On the other hand, I have chosen not to speak with her because I believe her demands are unreasonable. The fact that I don’t know where she is staying gives me an uneasy feeling that she wants the freedom to act without any restrictions. While she has never exhibited questionable behavior, I am aware of instances where some girls engage in undesirable activities during their youth service.

We haven’t spoken to each other for almost four days, and this is deeply troubling to me. Moreover, she recently posted a provocative picture on her status wearing a revealing outfit and making suggestive gestures. Although she eventually took it down at my request, it has sparked various concerns in my mind. I can’t help but wonder who she is with and if she might be involved with someone else. We are not married yet, and her inability to follow a simple instruction makes me question how she would behave if we were married. She claims that I am overreacting, but I genuinely believe my concerns are valid. I want to visit her this weekend, but I am filled with anger due to her disobedience. It is uncharacteristic of her to defy me, and I worry that this might be an indication of a change in her behavior. Should I still go and visit her or should I leave her alone until she comes to her senses and reevaluates the importance of our relationship?

I mention this because she knows how much I love her, and she is waiting for me to give in to her wishes and provide her with money for accommodation. Ordinarily, I would have given her the money, as I always fulfill her requests unless I am financially unable to do so. She is aware that I have the means to assist her, but I want her to stay with my family. My parents adore her, and there would never be any mistreatment towards her from them. So, why is my girlfriend so insistent on having her own place?

Furthermore, I am uncertain about the best course of action. Should I insist on her staying with my family, give in and provide her with the money, or observe the situation and see where it leads us? I would greatly appreciate your opinions and advice.

Bayo Ajibola

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