It is likely that after some time together you already know what makes your partner angry or upset. However, stubbornness and selfishness are sometimes stronger. The problem is that if we let ourselves be carried away by our impulses, the couple’s relationship may begin to deteriorate.
A psychotherapist reports that there are often phrases, questions, or statements we say to a partner that are detrimental to the relationship. These phrases should be avoided and they include:
1. I am going to explain how it is done.
This phrase is very dangerous when it is pronounced in a context in which one of the members of the couple is angry. Depending on the tone, it can emphasize or hint at a superiority that can offend the person listening to it.
2. My ex did it this way
Never compare your partner with other couples from the past, not even in the form of a joke. The fact that you are thinking about a person you were with can be very hurtful for the couple you live with. Unless the comparison is in favor of your current partner, which may comfort her. Think of the situation in reverse, would you like it?
3. If you truly loved me, you would do this for me.
This phrase is covert blackmail. If you pronounce it, you will make your partner feel like they can never win, or do what they want, regardless of your feelings or tastes. To show his love for you, he doesn’t have to do everything you say, because while it works in the short term, it has been shown that in the long run it is a type of manipulation that ends in resentment and hatred.
4. Why can’t you be like…?
The phrase can be completed in many ways, from your ex-partner to one of the parents of the couple who receives the phrase, through the husband or wife of your friend or your best friend. Avoid comparisons of your partner with other people around you, whether from the present or from the past.
5. You act just like your… (father or mother).
This can be good or bad, depending on the lens through which you look. If the relationship with the parent is not very favorable, you never want to make them feel bad with this comparison. The emotions that you will arouse with these sayings will be very painful, more than you can imagine.
6. You just have to give it a try.
There is no person in the world who likes it when their partner tells them “be a man or a woman”. This is plain and simple, taking away her masculinity or femininity, throwing her on the floor and running over her with the car. Putting this into question will be very negative for his self-esteem, as well as for your relationship.
7. My ex paid more attention to me.
Again, do not compare your partner with other men or with other women (especially if they are your exes), let alone tell him that his actions are not better than those of others. That will never inspire him to offer you what you want or need. On the contrary, it will increase your estrangement or resentment.
These phrases that are more common than we think, especially if we get angry. It is important that we pay attention to our language, but not only to our words but also to how we pronounce them. Many arguments could have been avoided if we had been more careful.