I’m struggling to know what to do…
I have been married only 6 months and my husband and I have a 2 year old together. We were sort of forced to make things work as I fell pregnant very early into our relationship and we decided to have the baby. We moved in together 3 years ago and for a while, before baby arrived, we were happy. After baby arrived, I began to struggle with being at home for 12 hours a day without much support around me. My husband works very long hours (leaves at 7am and doesn’t return until 7-8pm). I had a short period of time where I had PND but came through that. I went back to work after a year (part time) of maternity. I was glad to have something to stimulate my brain again but felt more and more tired as I juggled looking after our son in and around my work. My husband was never there to do bathtime or dropping off/picking up from the childminder.
We went on like this for a year, my husband and I started to bicker a lot and I realised slowly realise that we no longer enjoyed spending time together. In fact, he made me feel really down about myself always criticising. Our sex life dwindled and we had sex maybe 2 times a month at best. This went on for about a year.
We married 6 months ago, despite my reservations as I felt perhaps we weren’t that well suited. I became ill on my wedding day but managed to get through the service. I couldn’t help but think this was a sign thaat we shouldn’t have married as I didn’t enjoy the wedding day.
The honeymoon wasn’t enjoyable either. We had 5 days without our little boy but couldn’t get on. He gave me the wedding card and present I’d given to him back on the third day and said he wouldn’t think twice about divorcing me! When we got home we continued to argue and he told me he didn’t think we had a future. I stayed for 6 weeks then moved out to live with my parents as it was unbearable, the silent treatment.
This seemed to make him think twice and he asked me to come back. In the meantime, I’d been to the doctor as I couldn’t sleep and was given anxiety medication. Husband says he thinks I’ve always been anxious and he was glad I was finally ‘getting help’. He makes me feel like I’ve got a problem! I came back to him as for the family, I thought it was the right thing to do. I’m not sure I love him anymore . Since I came home, he has been putting in lots of effort but I can’t help but think he stayed with me for financial reasons. He soon changed his mind about wanting to be with me when his solicitor told him I could take half the house.
To top all this off, when I was living with my parents, another guy supported me and listened to me. I started to develop feelings for him. This has gone no where though as I know I need to try to sort out my marriage first. It just made me realise further that I may not love my husband. I asked him to come to couple counselling but he wouldn’t go. I am currently having individual counselling to try and ‘discover myself’ and make sense of my feelings.
I really don’t know what to do. To stay, we’d always have everything (my husband is a great provider) but I know that emotionally, he doesn’t give me what I desire. He’s quite a cold/practical person. But he is a good person and a great dad. I’m only 31 and wonder if I should cut my loses now for a chance to be truly happy as I don’t think I have been for over a year or so now.
I’d appreciate any advice.
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