You went out just the other night. The two of you had a great time together. Everything was just perfect, the food, the music even the weather but today morning, you call their phone and they won’t pick up. You assume that maybe they are busy in the office and decide that you will text them over lunch time but they seem not to be getting back to you. You head on to social media hoping that they have put up a status saying they had a great night but alas you can’t trace them. You have been blocked. You have been ghosted. Signs that you are being Ghosted in a Relationship.
Ghosting is when one partner decides to cut all communication with the one they love and they do so without any warning. Any attempt you make to contact them is futile and this is very common in intimate relationships.
The Pain of being Ghosted
Ghosting in relationships was not a common feat in the past but it is now becoming a norm today. In the past, those who ghosted were said to be nothing but the few scoundrels of the day. This is because ghosting leaves a trail of emotional wreckage.
The brain handles emotional pain as though it were being physically inflicted. Ghosting makes you feel useless, disposable and disrespected. If you have known the person for long then it all amounts to betrayal. The person did not respect you enough to give you closure. They wasted your time, emotions and energy. It is no wonder that ghosting is said to be one of the forms of enslavement. Ghosting is a form of social rejection that hurts so severe that you might end up taking painkillers for it but aside from that the psychological pain is on another level.
When it comes to ghosting, there are no clues. You are therefore not prepared on how you will react when it occurs. There is ambiguity because by the time you discover the truth, you were busy thinking they were sick, hurt or even kidnapped. In some instances the victim usually thinks it is their fault that they are being ghosted but that is not always the case.
You see, the human brain has a social monitoring system that monitors your environment for cues that enable you to react accordingly to situations. This system was not created for ghosting alerts. The result? Self questioning. You start asking yourself questions that lead to self blame and doubt. Your self esteem takes a plunge. You have just been served the utmost dose of silent treatment.
The Signs that you are being Ghosted in a Relationship
Being ghosted is a very painful experience. No one deserves it and that is why it is important to know the tell signs. So here are some of cues that should make you question their commitment.
- A long text responded to with one word. The fading has started. They do not want say much.
- Future plans are met with silence. We are not talking about the two of you having kids, you simply want to go swimming or for a picnic and they go silent. They do not see themselves in the beach with you.
- You shared personal details about yourselves but they didn’t. They never tell you the deep and real stuff that is going on in their lives. You are left out because you will be out some day.
- From the fullness of the heart, the mouth speaks. Their words and tone will give them away because they have non committal language. There is nothing that comes out to show they want something solid and permanent.
- They are now willing to talk about their past relationships and they will not even murmur a word about it. This is someone who has mastered the art of cutting off emotionally. They have done it before and they can do it again.
- The sex is great and that is all they are great at. There are very many forms of intimacy, sex is only one form and should not be reigning supreme.
- They were so super obsessed with you at the beginning, right now they can’t find the time to be with you. It’s all about excuses.
Why do People go Ghosting others in Relationships
The first answer that comes to your mind is that ghosting is the easy way out. But it is only easy for the one doing it not their victim. The victim is left with no explanation and they cannot make sense of what is going on. It is therefore important for them to get to know what could possibly be on the mind of the person who ghosted them.
- They were avoiding confrontation. They do not want to yell, shout or cry. It is not always a matter of selfishness. At times it is about emotional maturity. Are they able to handle saying goodbye? Are you able to handle it? At times they could be avoiding a violent reaction. If this is your situation, choose forgiveness over anger.
- Emotional intimacy. It could be that the person ghosting is afraid of emotional intimacy. They enjoy the company and adventure but as soon as they sense that they are going deeper, they withdraw. Again, do not get angry. Emotions are very tricky.
- A typical case of dating a narcissist. This person never showed empathy. They always put you down. You are the one who put in a lot of effort in the relationship. The ghosting of this person should be treated as a blessing. Good riddance to a terrible life.
So what is the point? Should ghosting be excused? Not at all but these explanations should help you to figure out what is going on in your case. Instead of being emotional be logical. Be the bigger person and see things from a broad perspective. Truth is that someone who cares for you will do anything to be with you and a simple statement saying sorry, things are not working is not a mathematical problem. You deserve to be told.
What to do when you are being Ghosted
You are supposed to do nothing. Yes you are in pain but this is about your dignity and respect. Do not call them. Do not put up sad posts on your social media. Do nothing when it comes to them. You need to be the adult in this case because someone else does not want to take the responsibility. Take the no contact vacation. They will miss you and might even contact you. Do not fall for it. Stay put, build your life. If they will sit down and communicate and work on themselves, well and good if not then rock on. Go and be your fabulous self , the world is waiting.
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