Single, Dating and Waiting for Marriage: 4 Tips to Help you Abstain.

Abstinence, in its simplest form, is defined as the decision, act or practice to restrain oneself from indulging in activities that give bodily pleasure such as sex, drugs, and alcohol.

However, abstinence has a variety of meanings depending on different people. Today’s post is centered around the abstinence from sex.

To some people, abstinence is viewed as refraining from all types of sexual activity while others view abstinence as refraining from genital penetration, they might engage in foreplays and outercourse while avoiding vaginal, anal or penal penetration.

There are a lot of reasons why people choose to practice abstinence:

  • Waiting until they feel ready for a sexual relationship
  • Waiting to find the right partner
  • Enjoying their partner’s company without having to deal with a sexual relationship
  • Focus on school, their job, or hobbies
  • Following their personal, moral, or religious beliefs and values
  • Getting over a breakup
  • Healing from the death of a partner
  • Following their doctor’s advice during or after a sickness, infection, or medical procedure
  • Saving themselves for marriage.

Whatever reason you have for abstaining from sex, whether single or dating or waiting for marriage, abstaining from sex takes a lot of strong will and can be difficult to stick to especially if you’re in a relationship and have had sex before. Statistically, it’s easier for virgins to abstain because they haven’t indulged in their desires and therefore have stronger self-discipline and will.

However, everyone’s got urges and the sexual ones can be hard to control sometimes, whether virgin or not, especially for those attracted to someone at the moment or in a relationship.

No fear, we’ve decided to make it a little easier by providing tips to help you abstain from, whether virgin or non-virgin.

SELF DISCIPLINE: You need willpower and self-control in order to persevere

It is the ability to control your feelings and overcome your weaknesses. Self-discipline involves willpower and self-control. It gives you the power to stick to your decision and follow them through, without changing your mind, and is, therefore, one of the important requirements for achieving the goal of abstinence.

Self-discipline thrives on a daily practice – for virgins, it’s easier to achieve this if they stick to their commitment and don’t dwell on the thought of having sex – and for the non-virgins, you can be taught self-discipline if it’s your first time attempting to abstain. Whatever your reason is for abstaining, you have to be absolute in it, that’s the only way to the gain the willpower required to go through this, you have to believe in your reason and be sure of the long term rewards.

There are different ways of achieving this self-discipline. First, acknowledge your weakness, that is, temptations – it could be a person or sex itself – identify them. It is only by identifying your temptations that you will be able to avoid them or get rid of them. Second is getting rid of temptations – after identifying the things or persons that would tempt your resolve, get rid of them, teach yourself to avoid them at all cost or resist them – you can’t get rid of a person, so the only way is to teach yourself to do away with the thoughts associated with that person that causes you temptations. Or better still avoid tempting situations with that person.

The third step is having a plan to distract you from those temptations – you have to map out your plan based on what you want and plan it around your life. Your plans could be exercise or listening to music or house chores, it depends on your lifestyle, but make sure it’s effective. The last step is to visualize your long-term goals and practice self-control. You brand the image of what you are trying to accomplish at the back of your mind as a constant reminder to help you stay the course.

ACKNOWLEDGMENT: Accept that you have sexual urges but understand that you have to indulge in it.

Acknowledgment is one of the steps to achieving self-discipline but it is also very important that it needs to stand on its own. Acknowledging your desires whenever it occurs is key to abstaining from it, by acknowledging it, you’ve given room for control, by reminding yourself that you don’t have to indulge in your whims. By acknowledging it, you can no longer be controlled by your desires and will be aware of every decision you take which then gives you control over those desires. By acknowledging your sexual urges, you’ve given yourself room to self-improve on your steadfastness.

GET BUSY: An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.

You know what they say about an idle mind, therefore in order to avoid unwanted thoughts, get yourself busy! When you are busy, you won’t have time for unnecessary thoughts that could prevent you from abstaining, so find something and get doing, exercise if you have to, take your work seriously, do house chores all the time, volunteer if you have to, just don’t stay with your thoughts, idly.

One thing is for sure, because you are abstaining from sex, it will be the very thing at the back of your mind waiting to pop out at every little chance, and as a result, sex will be all you think about because you are consciously trying to stay away from it. Therefore getting yourself busy is the key to not be reminded by your subconscious about it.

REMIND YOURSELF OF YOUR GOAL: Remember why you’ve taken it upon yourself to abstain in the first place

When it seems like you are going to falter, remind yourself the reason why you started, it’s an important key to persevering, always remind yourself like a motto and keep in mind what you intend to achieve with it. Even if you have faltered, don’t stop, as long you have a reason for your abstinence, don’t give up.


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