Single mothers after divorce, what to do?

Bayo Ajibola
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Life after divorce is a new experience for all newly divorced mothers. Besides raising kids on your own, you have to constantly deal with your ex-husband and cooperate with him on a number of issues concerning your kids. Divorced single mothers take some time to find their balance and move on. Besides coming to term with the divorce, their new status is not instantly accepted by friends and family advocating for working things out with their ex-partners.

Here are a few tips to help cope with life after divorce:

  1. Find a support group – Divorce can take a nasty toll on you upsetting your entire life. Finding a support group provides a safe zone to share your experience with people in the same situation as you and who do not need a lot of explanation to understand what you are going through. Support groups are also a resource to find tips and encouragement on coping as a single mother after a divorce.
  2. Embrace single parenthood and learn to enjoy every minute of it – Your marriage failed, but out of it, you have your kids to be thankful for. Being a single parent gives you more time to spend with your children, sharing in their success and achievements, watching them grow and marvel at what a great job you did at raising them.
  3. Maintain a healthy relationship with your ex – Like it or not, your ex-husband still remains the father of your children. Despite their shortcomings, learn to respect them and have a working relationship for the sake of your kids. Talk about his positive attributes to your children and let them know it is okay to be in touch with their father. If possible, you can work out a co-parenting schedule with our ex so that your kids do not feel their father’s absence in their lives.
  4. Find new friends, hobbies, and interests – There is always something exciting about doing something new or making new friends. This kind of excitement is essential and healthy for divorced single mothers. Despite the darkness that they are going through, a little excitement lightens their world making it more bearable. A new set of friends do not know your married self and have no comparisons or opinions to make regarding your new marital status.
  5. Restructure your life – Starting a new life after divorce presents the perfect opportunity to rethink your life. You probably had your goals and ambitions that you put a hold on to. Start pursuing them. If you thought of going back to school or getting a new job, this is the right time to follow through with these. If you are already working, it would be a good time to ask a raise, or request favorable working hours. Whatever aspect of your life that needs restructuring to accommodate your kids needs to be done and soonest possible for a smooth transition.


Divorce is certainly not an easy situation for anyone, especially when kids are involved. For a single mother after a divorce, settling in can be overwhelming and scary at the same time. You may be lost on where to start from and how to cope but with time, you find your direction. You do not need to do it alone. Through counseling and support groups, you will find healing and all the courage you need to start afresh.

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