Look around and it’ll probably seem like everyone you know is in a relationship and a good one at that. You, on the other hand, can’t quite explain what you have. It is a relationship but not quite in the sense that everyone expects. That is because there is a man in the picture, you are such good friends and he would make quite a great boyfriend because he is handsome, handles his business, is generous and is generally and genuinely nice. He is quite the gentleman and the perfect package, some would say.
The only problem is that while he spends so much time with you, he just isn’t ready or willing to take the friendship to relationship status. It can be very frustrating because all you want is right there in front of you and he just won’t! Is he blind? Doesn’t he see you ‘that way’? Doesn’t he want more than just casual friendship?
Some girls think the best way to handle this is to wait patiently for him to see all that he could get if he took it a step further. That is very acceptable if you’ve been friends for a couple of months. If you’ve been friends and been dating for years and he keeps ignoring or pushing aside the idea (or even discussion) of you getting married, that’s a different story. Depending on the kind of person he is, one year might even be too long.
You want to get married but he’s not keen on it. That discussion leaves a bitter taste in your mouth and eventually causes you to break up. After some time he comes back and you start dating again, hoping that this time things will be different. Your relationship goes on well until you bring up marriage and babies again and all hell breaks loose. Rinse and repeat.
That’s just frustrating because you really love this person and he is great but he doesn’t want what you want. If that is what you truly want and don’t plan on changing your mind, you might need to take some drastic steps.
- Find out what he specifically wants out of the relationship
You may think it’s a little too much but when you want something it is best to find out if you’ll find it where you are. Many times people enter into relationships and never quite get to discussing what they want from it. Two parties can be in a relationship yet one wants a commitment leading to marriage and another is looking for a friend with benefits. It goes on well for a while until one is unhappy and suddenly begins to suspect that things won’t go the way they thought they would.
In such situations you need to ask him what his plans are for the relationship. Where does he want it to go? When that’s done, please believe him! Ladies tend to stay on in the hope that ‘he’ll see what you’re all about eventually’ and change his mind because you’re a fine woman.
You are fine and there’s no dispute about that. But are you fine with staying in a relationship with no plausible future yet you want a future? Are you willing to wait for him another five years hoping and praying he eventually falls in love with you and wants to put a ring on it? Will you get mad if it never happens? Will you be heartbroken? If you answered yes to all those questions then you need to answer this too: why? He already told you he doesn’t want that!
- Weigh up what he says
After the emotions have somehow calmed down think about what he said. Does he want a family and children too and in the near future too? Does he want to just ‘wing it’? These are the only two options really.
- Act accordingly
You heard him. If he wants the same thing as you, continue building the relationship into something bigger. If he however just wants to have fun, leave. Break off the relationship. Otherwise he’ll string you along and you won’t like how it ends.
Patience and hope are great but when a man truly wants to take it further he will. Your standard is marriage and he won’t offer it so let him be. One who lives up to this standard will eventually show up.
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