My name is Bimbo (not real name). I am 30 years old engaged to be married this June however I am having major cold feet about my wedding and I don’t know who to talk to about this.
I’m not really excited about my wedding. I think I’m not really deeply in love with my fiance…or perhaps I am simply worried I would be making an error in judgment. The thing is, there is someone else and its someone no one will comprehend why I love him.
In all honesty,I am deeply in love with my boss at the office. My boss is a 51 year old divorcee. His children are all grown up but since I began working in that office three years ago,I have grown close to him and in fact the attraction is so strong between us,we slept together and had an affair for roughly a month.
Another thing about my boss is that he doesn’t look anywhere near his age. He is very athletic and goes to the gym a lot. He looks like a guy in his late 30s. He is so sexy and I was surprised after he asked if I was single. I said yes.. We went on probably the most romantic dates I have ever been to till date.
In all honesty,I was single and he too was single. However I felt a little embarrassed to be going out with someone pretty much twice my age. But he treated me so kindly and loved me like no man has ever. It was the finest one month of my life. He loved me however I was just so terrified.
When my fiance came,I used him in an attempt to forget about my boss. I persuaded myself that I was genuinely in love with him. I disregarded all the attempts my boss made to try to win me back …I pushed him away. I believed it was for the best simply because I was not sure how to tell my friends that I was in love with someonea lot older than me.
That’s been like nearly 2 years ago now however not a day passes without me thinking about my boss. Most especially now that the wedding is getting very close. When I sent my boss my wedding invitation,he replied with a message he said: don’t do this,this is a mistake. Now, I am beginning to feel I am truly making a error in judgment.
What’s wrong with me? Why am I scared of people knowing I am going out with a man that is 21 years older than me? At times I tell myself that its not right to marry an older person beause he might die much earlier than me…will his children accept me? How will my family and friends receive such a thing?
And the most thing I am worried about is …if I break up my engagement…with wedding under 2 months away….how will I face everybody?
Oh my God…Is this normal? Why can’t I quit thinking about him even after two years? Why am I so fearful of going ahead with my wedding?
Please advise me.