WHY MARRIED WOMEN CHEAT. Cheating is not something most married couples want to face, let alone talk about or even consider. But the truth is that even in the happiest of marriages, affairs can happen. Maybe a close relationship with a colleague at the office goes too far during a long work night. Or an unexpected dalliance happens during a vacation with friends.
Or maybe even a long-running situation when a partner isn’t around for long periods and the husband or wife turns to someone to fill an emotional or physical void left unfilled by their partners.
The fact of the matter is that cheating is unsurprising. What might be surprising, however, is the person doing the cheating.
We all have this general idea that married Nigerian men are cheaters, it is in men’s nature to cheat, and that men are basically dogs, right? But there have been cases of married women cheating too.
It’s actually not as uncommon as you might think, in fact, there’s been conjecture that married women cheat at almost the same rate as married men.
If you were already aware of this, you’ll notice that people don’t like to talk about it or even think about it. You don’t want to think that Mummy Sunday next door, or Mrs. Onome your Sunday school teacher or your friend at work are cheating on their husbands. But the reality is, they could be.
Now the next question you might want to ask is why. Why do married women cheat? The reasons are various. Even so, let us take a look at some of the more rampant reasons why women cheat.
While a married woman is capable of having an affair just for the physical pleasure, the reasons for married women cheating are mostly emotional ones. One such reason is being lonely. If her husband is constantly at work, always out with friends, or otherwise too distracted or tired to give her the reassurance and love she needs, her impulse to cheat rises.
Being sexually or emotionally ignored by a partner can cause the woman to feel depressed and lonely. These emotions can push her to seek physical contact and reassurance elsewhere.
Couples tend to go through valleys and peaks in the course of their marriage. Being in a committed, long term relationship means that you are stuck with the same person, day in and day out. While this leads to lots of wonderful qualities in life like stability, love, and comfort, it might also cause your wife to feel bored, sometimes, with the relationship.
This feeling of boredom often comes and goes throughout any relationship. But when affected by other factors like marital discord, a woman may be inclined to start something outside of her marriage.
She might feel that this is a way to spice up her life, to have something more exciting to look forward to. She might even claim that she is doing it to “save her marriage” by doing something interesting for herself.
HAVING AN ABUSIVE HUSBAND
It already goes without saying that if a woman is in an abusive marriage, be it physically, emotionally or even verbally she is less likely to remain faithful in that marriage.
Controlling and abusive husbands have the power to tear down the woman and make her feel like she’d not worthy of anything good. Or that she herself isn’t worth anything. This can then cause her to seek respect, love, and validation from someone else outside the marriage.
In Nigeria today, this is, unfortunately, a very common reason for female infidelity. Finding out that her husband has been unfaithful is crushing to a woman’s ego and her heart, so she may opt for sex outside the marriage as a way to heal her hurt feelings. Or at least to give her a confidence boost.
If a woman finds out that her husband has been actively engaging in extramarital activities, she may be tempted to cheat in order to hurt him the way he hurt her. She may even choose to have sex with someone close to her spouse, like a close friend or a sibling, just to hurt or spite him.
It’s the ultimate “let’s see how you like this” lesson.
BEING IN A SEXLESS MARRIAGE
A marriage devoid of sex can be frustrating for both parties. One is having their emotional and sexual desire for passion and connection ignored, while the other is feeling the constant pressure to perform sexually when they aren’t really inclined or in the mood to.
Research has shown that living in a sexless marriage carries a host of marital problems, chief of which is infidelity. One thing that many men tend to forget is that women are sexual creatures too.
It should then be no surprise that one reason women cheat is as a result of lack of sexual intimacy in the marriage: be it emotionless sex, unsatisfying sex or living in a sexless marriage.
FILLING AN EMOTIONAL VOID
Cheating isn’t limited only to having sex outside marriage. Many married women seek out emotional affairs as a way of filling a void in their relationships.
Marriages are about love, respect, trust, and companionship and if a woman feels like she isn’t getting enough attention or love from her partner she is more likely to wander outside the marriage.
Affairs of the heart (emotional affairs) involve filling a mental or emotional need by someone other than the spouse.
While it often involved confiding in someone the same way she would confide in her spouse, it might also involve dirty talk, naughty exchange of photos, a promise of a future relationship or even lead to a physical affair.
WHY MARRIED WOMEN CHEAT. WHAT CAN HUSBANDS DO?
There are many potential reasons for infidelity, and marriage is complicated. Start with having honest conversations about sex, preferably before marriage. Many couples wander into romantic relationships and marriages and think the sex part will take care of itself but this isn’t true. Have candid, frank discussions with your wife about your sexual compatibilities and preferences.
At the end of the day, attentiveness is key. When you are with your spouse, it’s important to make sure you are thinking of her needs as well as yours – either emotionally, physically or mentally.
Making a commitment to work on your marriage daily is the best insurance strategy to protect your marriage.
Because if you’re not, there’s always somebody out there who’s more than willing to do it.