This Man Want To Marry Me But He Has Baggage-Please Advise

Bayo Ajibola

I will be 41 years old this May. I am single but believing God for my own husband for a long time now. I have been betrayed and heartbroken a couple of times. My last romantic relationship lasted on and off for just two years. I was aware he was having an affair but I hoped he would change and marry me but he obviously had other plans.

I prayed and fasted to God to have Mercy on me. Being single is definitely not fun. But in February this year,I met a divorcee and we simply adore one another. I actually met him in a government office when I went there to apply for something. He is a civil servant.

His name is James. James is 39 years old. A couple of years younger than me but he is a very mature guy and very nice. He makes me laugh too. Having said that,being a civil servant isn’t a good paying job so he isn’t normally the type of man I would go for but I still accepted because I don’t know whether he is God’s will for me.

We have been dating since February. He said he has one kid from his previous marriage. He told me his wife ran after a rich politician and left him with their son. We’ve been seeing each other and spending quality time mostly in my house. The afternoon he invited me to his house,I didn’t meet his son. He explained that the boy was with his grand mother.

Aside from finances,this man is very good. That does not mean I am a gold digger or searching for a rich man to look after me but to tell the truth,I feel somehow going out with a man who cannot even pay you 1k recharge card. He calls me with whatsapp calls most times because he doesn’t have airtime.

We went to a restaurant,like fast food. He bought me snacks and soft drink but took water. I feel bad for him because he feels shy or bad that he can’t do a lot for me. I told him not to be bothered. I have my own money.

In April,he started getting really serious with me,telling me he is head over heels in love with me. That i’m the sort of woman he wishes to be a mother to his son. I told him I would love to meet his son. He agreed for us to meet up.

The afternoon I went to his house to meet his son, I met 2 other kids. I was stunned when he introduced them as his children too. He explained he planned to surprise me, just for him to see if I genuinely love him if he had one child or more. I told him he was completely wrong for not telling me the simple truth. One child is a big deal. 3 is actually another level.

Ever since then,I’ve been feeling somehow about our relationship. Certainly,he is a good man,a good father…I see the way he treats his children,very good but he is having difficulties financially. And that may be the actual reason his wife left him. Being married to a man with 3 children will pose a huge financial problem even for somebody like me.

And once I have my own kids,which will mean even more children to provide for,raise and send to school. I really love this man but he has way too many baggage. I am hoping he’s not trying to find someone to help him manage his financial responsibilities….He lives in a one room flat too with the kids while I live in a 2 bedroom flat even as a single lady.

James has recognized I’m a little bit withdrawn since I met his kids. His kids appear nice however I am just worried. I don’t know what to do. Should I consider this relationship or back out now? I see that James is seriously interested in marriage and being 41…I really do not know if this is God testing me…

James did not even consider our age difference. He’s a wonderful guy. However is he the one for me? Just how do I deal with his baggage? Can I be a good mother to his 3 children? How on earth will we manage?

Please i need advice….


Bayo Ajibola

Welcome to naijaparents.com. Whatever your  problem, marital, relationship, spiritual or parenting. We are here for you. No matter how difficult they are, together we can release power sufficient to solve these problems either spiritual or otherwise. Don't dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answers and solutions.  Digging at the roots instead of just hacking at the leaves is our way of solving your problems. On naijaprents we break the problem down into components and solve one problem at a time. Let's hear from you.Join the conversation on our Forum and , like us on our Facebook page .Google+

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.