When is it Time to Give Up IVF?

Bayo Ajibola

When Is It Time To Stop IVF Treatment?

Infertility is a struggle that many have to deal with and its implications are far reaching. Many try to conceive using every possible way they find out about and one of these is IVF. IVF gives you hope that it is indeed possible to carry your own baby and you start treatment looking forward to the news that you are pregnant.

The procedure has worked for a number of women so far but there is always a chance of failure. It may not take the first or even second time but the hope and desire to have your own child pushes you to start another treatment cycle as soon as you can. Sometimes it works when you are just about to give up but sometimes it doesn’t work. Do you just stop and call it quits? It may be difficult to stop but at some point you will have to. When, then, is it time to stop IVF?

With proper medical information

Doctors will review past treatments and tell you whether it is wise to continue or not. Listen to your doctor and their medical perspective. It may be difficult to accept at first but if it is no longer medically possible to conceive, any efforts you make in that direction regardless of how spirited they are, remain futile.

When your relationship is suffering for it

Sex probably stopped being about pleasure and bonding and became about procreation. Getting this back when there is so much pressure about your IVF treatment working can be a little difficult. IVF can take away the joy you once had and cause you to drift apart. Men and women react very differently to stress and pressure and this can take its toll on your relationship if you’re not careful. Is it worth losing your marriage for?

When your finances are too strained

IVF is an expensive procedure and every treatment cycle costs large sums of money. Yes, you would do anything to hold your own baby in your arms but how would going bankrupt be wise? You need money to pay the bills and survive whether you get the baby or not. It may sound a little harsh but it’s the truth. Would you commit yourself to a project if you couldn’t afford it?

When your life stops

Have you put off going back to school, moving house or taking a new job simply because you are waiting to get pregnant? How much longer do you plan to hold out on life? When will you go back to living?

Stopping IVF treatment doesn’t make you a failure. The treatment may have failed but you haven’t. You gave it your all but you need to know when to take your life back. Pregnancy shouldn’t be a goal in itself because it is not guaranteed, even for those who haven’t gone through IVF. Continuing with something that is failing just prolongs your sadness. You may be trying to avoid grieving your unborn child but it will and should come because grieving is natural after loss. It may not make sense to other people but you know how it feels to have something seemingly close and then lose it before you can even touch it.

You may need to reassess your life and make some adjustments and it may feel terrifying at first. It could leave you feeling lost but remember that your life will now be like a blank canvas. You can fill it up with anything you want. What will give your life meaning and direction from this point on?

Start slowly with a creative activity like learning a new language, learning how to play an instrument, gardening or writing a book. It will take time for you to adjust but set your resolve and you will slowly find that this new venture takes your mind off things. Look on the bright side of things (like getting your life back, having enough resources at your disposal and an opportunity to reinvent yourself) and let these propel you to happiness and peace.

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