Do you know what I’m sick and tired of hearing? It’s when married folks ask, “How are we able to have a better marriage?” That you’ve witout a doubt tried out almost everything, but absolutely nothing good is happening.
Because of a misconception of marriage, a lot of families are on a roller coaster good and bad moments; a never-ending struggle. And that’s bad. Marriage really should not be an uncertain relationship at all. It’s supposed to be the most dependable and consistently happy relationship you will ever have. Regrettably, a lot of people tend not to have any idea what marriage is, much less the best way to have a better marriage.
You might have listened to the counsel of a thousand people. But there are just three ways you’ll be able to transform your marriage forever. Check these out:
Stop doing things that make your spouse miserable
Yes, you do! Most people get used to being harsh and mean or insensitive and rude. We don’t even think twice about shouting out commands or insults. We make all kinds of demands from our spouse that makes them feel used and abused.
Are you thinking about the language you are using with your spouse? I don’t think so. Is it “soft and kind” or “coarse and direct”? If you are like most couples, you have become overly familiar with your spouse ,yet still have high expectations. You are probably critical, condemning, and complaining. Nobody does well in that kind of environment. They tend to react in kind, which then makes you cranky, too.
You can have a better marriage if you catch yourself being mean (before you act), and stop those thoughts and feelings before you express them. Many of our clients have told us how much different their lives have become just by controlling their negative communication toward their spouse.
Stop taking your spouse’s words and actions personally
You will be amazed at how reactive your mind can be when you manage your thoughts when triggered. You will see that little things, which really shouldn’t upset you, become huge dramas in your head. It’s habitual! Most people become a victim of their mind’s imagined attacks, instead of actual insults. You can stop it when you pay attention.
Usually, you will begin to notice that your spouse was innocent of any desire to upset you, but was just merely clumsy in their communication. Why were you so sensitive? It is up to you to use your judgment to benefit your relationship, and that means being a loving and forgiving spouse, not a reactive enemy.
Consciously say and do things that bring love into your marriage
Think of your marriage as a closed space, only you two are able to enter, and it is a space for creating love, safety, and harmony. It doesn’t just happen, though. You have to fill the space with loving respect, consideration, and adoration.
Too many think it is up to their spouse to act nicely, first, and then they will reciprocate to the best of their abilities. But that kind of thinking is selfish and unworkable. It is up to you to do your part, and up to your spouse to do their part, but neither of you should judge the other or have expectations from the other.
The above are just three suggestions of many that you can do. But all efforts have to be well planned and diligently executed. You cannot just wish your marriage will improve because it will not. You have to take control over it and do your part.
Your marriage is not a ride at a theme park where you hop on and it takes you to a wonderful place. Marriage is a do-it-yourself vehicle of incredible design that will take you to a life you will always treasure. But you have to put in the effort.