Bayo Ajibola

Tips on How to Handle the Arrival of a First Baby

In a marriage, the arrival of baby number one can come as a huge shock as most people have little to no clue on how to handle the matter. Leave alone the changes and adjustments that come with the pregnancy, for a relationship this can be tough.

No matter how prepared you think you are, the reality is more daunting as there lurks a fear and worry that can’t be voiced.

An addition to the family

A couple gets used to having just the two of them in the relationship which leads to a thick bond developing between them. The addition of a baby rearranges the priorities which can put strain in the relationship.

This is because of the baby’s endless demanding needs to help them adjust to the new surroundings makes a woman so busy. This might lead to the man being pushed to the back burner as the attention of the woman shifts to nurture and care for the baby.

A man is not allowed to make a fuss about it therefore burying his woes and distress away from everyone since baby comes first. Unfortunately, many men start being unfaithful around this time looking for affection and attention to compensate for the loss. This however brings more trouble to the relationship when it comes out in the open as the woman feels betrayed.

How to handle the situation

  •   The first step as a new mum is to understand that you need to find a way to balance between new baby and your partner.
  •   If you suspect that you’ve been neglecting him, take time to talk to him and find a way to address his issues.
  •   Involve him in the everyday work that goes toward the baby, make him feel he is part of the team, you will find time to breath too!
  •   Leave your child in the capable hands of a house help, friend or relative every once in a while to go for dates to reconnect as a couple.
  •   If not sure how to deal with the situation, seek help from older couples like your parents and best couple to get pointers on how to keep a balance with the new addition.

Other changes

Being a new parent comes with anxieties and uncertainties which can widen the chasm if the woman is not upto the task of sharing such fears with their partner. For some, deep rooted anxieties of forgotten sibling rivalry can accompany such worries which can trigger panic. This can make a couple even more withdrawn from each other as each feel unloved and unappreciated can lead to hostility.

Women are highly hormonal more so for new mums who experiences intense hormonal changes after birth. Pacifying a new born is challenging which is usually accompanied with sleepless nights which might leave a woman feeling alienated from the partner.

How to handle the situation

Renegotiate the terms of your relationships by defining who does what in order to know your roles and expectations. This will enable you strike a balance and be able to know when one party is being neglected.

Tiredness and exhaustion can compound the already existing problems therefore, you want to stay calm. Do not let the resentment pile up as it might lead to a regrettable outburst instead; learn to air out your grievances which will prompt your partner to do the same.

Set realistic expectations before the baby’s birth and remind each other about it as a couple before and after the birth. Such can include issues like financial implications and the loss of one’s job, the impact of having a baby in the house and the exhaustion that comes with it etc.

This way, you will go in with a clearer mind on what to expect.

Bayo Ajibola

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