My wife and I first met as students in Canada. We eventually got married and enjoyed a happy marriage. However, things changed when I decided to return home to Nigeria to take over my family’s business at my aging father’s request. My wife disagreed with the idea because she had previously mentioned being estranged from her mother, meaning they had no communication.
My wife shared with me that after her father’s passing, her mother started engaging in promiscuous behavior and neglected her. Her mother often sent her to boarding school to keep her away from her numerous boyfriends. Even during holidays, she would either keep her in boarding school or send her to her grandmother’s or aunt’s place. As a result, my wife developed a strong dislike for her mother.
During our wedding in Canada, only her friends attended while all my family members, including those from Nigeria, were present. I didn’t want to upset my wife by bringing up the idea of reconciling with her mother, as she would react angrily. Consequently, when I decided to move back to Nigeria, I suspected that my wife was fearful of encountering her mother again. As a result, I agreed to let her stay in Canada and take care of our children.
It has been a year since I returned to Nigeria. Recently, I conducted some investigation into my wife’s mother. I discovered that she is a wealthy woman well-known in Rivers state. Two months ago, I visited her without revealing my identity, stating that I knew her daughter from our time in school in Canada. When I mentioned my wife’s name, her reaction changed abruptly.
She became upset and denied having a daughter with that name, stating that she wanted nothing to do with her. This prompted me to reveal that I was her daughter’s husband and expressed my desire to understand why she harbored such strong resentment toward her daughter and vice versa. She clarified that she didn’t hate her daughter but believed she was a spoiled and troubled child, even at the age of 15 when she started engaging in promiscuous behavior. Despite their efforts, they couldn’t change her behavior. When her father passed away, her daughter’s behavior worsened, and she even started seducing her stepfather.
According to her mother, her daughter and stepfather engaged in a secret sexual relationship. At the age of 17, her daughter had two abortions for her stepfather, with whom she already had twins. When the truth emerged, her daughter falsely accused the man of rape, leading to their divorce. A few months later, the stepfather almost committed suicide due to the scandal. Consequently, the mother decided to cut ties with her daughter for the sake of her twins and because she couldn’t bear the idea of her daughter and the twins’ father living under the same roof.
The revelations from my wife’s mother deeply disturbed me. It made me realize the extent of my wife’s past experiences and the possibility that she is profoundly damaged. Reconciling her with her mother seems futile as her mother has other children with the man my wife had an affair with.
When I informed my wife’s mother that my wife and children were still in Canada, she advised me never to trust my wife, asserting that she is a nymphomaniac and sexually addicted. According to her, my wife inherited this trait from her father, who was a chronic womanizer. My wife denies being a nymphomaniac now, stating that it was her way of escaping the pain of abandonment she felt from her mother during her troubled teenage years.
I confronted my wife about her late-night absence and discovered that she reeked of alcohol. She claimed to have been out with her female friends, but I found it suspicious since she had never been on a girls’ night out during our entire marriage. We had a heated argument, and in the heat of the moment, I revealed what her mother had told me about her past.
This revelation triggered my wife’s anger, and she demanded a divorce. She shared with me her version of events, alleging that her mother’s husband raped her and forced her to have abortions. However, when I informed her about the evidence her stepfather had provided, proving that she initiated the encounters, she admitted to being a lost young girl who misunderstood his affection for paternal love.
The following day, I tried to engage her in conversation, suggesting she seek therapy, but she was still furious that I had visited her mother without her knowledge. She believed her mother had poisoned my mind against her.
According to my wife, she had already sought therapy for her past experiences. I asked her directly if she was currently a nymphomaniac, to which she reluctantly admitted but claimed to have changed. She expressed remorse for her past actions and explained that she didn’t want to return to the country that reminded her of the pain she endured.
When I questioned her about her late-night outing, leaving our young children with a babysitter, she couldn’t provide a satisfactory explanation, only apologizing. I also asked if she was having an affair, and she denied it, but I remain unsure of the truth. I feel like I no longer know the woman I married, as she concealed many dark aspects of her past from me. The shock of discovering these truths has left me overwhelmed.
I insisted that she return to Nigeria with me so that we can face these challenges together and support her. However, she adamantly refused. It seems she is still grappling with her traumatic past and is not ready to confront it. I believe she is in denial. I took it upon myself to monitor her activities by checking her phone and discovered she had been exchanging explicit messages with several men, including colleagues, discussing sexual encounters in the office bathroom after work hours. It was clear to me that she had been out with a man on that particular night. It didn’t take a psychic to figure that out.
My wife claimed it was all harmless flirting, but I find it difficult to believe. I broke down emotionally as I had never imagined my wife capable of cheating on me with multiple men. She thinks I am judging her based on what her mother told me and insists that she hasn’t slept with anyone since we got married.
As a result, I returned to Nigeria, and since then, we have had no communication. I am deeply concerned about my wife and children. I’ve asked my sister, who resides in Canada, to keep an eye on them, but I remain worried. Every day, I wonder what my wife is up to, but I am unable to find out since I am not there. Although I try to call her frequently, she is now upset that I am monitoring her. She suggests that if I don’t trust her, we should get a divorce.
The truth is, I don’t trust her, especially when she is not by my side. Does this mean our marriage is doomed? Should I return to Canada to salvage what remains of our relationship? Will that make a difference? Is her infidelity a result of my absence, or was she concealing her true self all along?
Her mother firmly believes that her daughter is beyond redemption and warns me to stay away if I don’t want to be destroyed. Even my family insists that I demand my wife’s return, but she adamantly refuses. I am at a loss about what to do. My home is in turmoil, and I desperately need advice.